5:30am – I woke up today excited to re-test my Internet-purchased pheromones: a mysterious little blue bottle with the words Primal and GURANTEED printed on it.
What exactly are pheromones? Well, just as conscious smells can attract or repel, pheromones can trigger similar responses. And, since we are complex individuals, scientists are still unclear as to how humans react to pheromones. I was going to find out if Primal/GUARANTEED was a real love potion, or just snake oil. Let the pheromone testing begin.
7:49am – Before my run, I put on the Primal/GURANTEED. I was ready for action and feeling frisky. It did cross my mind that a local dog may go into attack-mode after getting a whiff of me and my Primal-ness, but the prospect of a hot guy was well worth risking a trip to the emergency room.
I’m not sure if it was it my super-fly baseball hat or the way I looked in dripping sweat, but when I got to the end of the pier, I did notice that men’s heads were turning. Hmm…
5:06pm – I put on the Primal/ GUARANTEED and went to a local spot. During dinner, I noticed two men at the bar. I decided to put the Primal potion to work and attempted to make eye contact with the man who was not wearing a wedding band. Victory, eye contact! Then I noticed my target guy’s wedding band. Abort Primal/GUARANTEED! I must control this new, man-magnet scent.
7:12pm – After I set the married guy free from the powers of Primal/GUARANTEED, I headed to another local spot for a cup of tea. Call me a hussy, but there were two men at the bar with whom I had made-out with. There were two bar stools open – one right next to them and the other across from them. I opted for the latter.
After I sat down, the nicer of the two guys came over to help me “brew my tea.” Primal/GUARANTEED seemed to be at work. Thirty minutes later I left without saying goodnight to the other guy.
I put on the Primal for my morning run with no expectations. The sun was just rising and I knew I would mostly encounter homeless people sleeping and garbage trucks. As the city became alive, I still hadn’t received any reaction to the Primal. Then, at the end of the pier, a man stepped right out in front of me. I swerved to avoid a collision and a possible head injury.
9:00am – I went to pick up my printer this morning from the repair shop and they gave me a $20.00 discount. Was it the Primal or the fact that I had printed out 15,102 pages? Maybe it was a pity price-cut because the repair guy was worried that I spend too much alone time with my printer.
6:24pm – Feels like fall in LA tonight. It could be me or the Primal, but I am getting a lot of attention.
6:19am – With the sun just beginning to rise, I hit the empty streets again with no expectations from Primal. I was mostly hoping to avoid being used as target practice for seagulls or mauled by a local dog. When I reached the pier, again, dripping sweat, this is what I encountered: one sketchy dude smoking a cigarette stared at me; I saw a homeless guy pee on a wall; and I made eye contact with a parks and recreation guy while he collected trash.
10:00am – While waiting to meet my friend for breakfast I could have sworn the hostess was flirting with me.
5:07pm – Here I am at yet another local spot, a swanky hotel bar along with three wedding parties. I’m surrounded by people wearing matching dresses, tuxes and flowers and certainly this would be the ultimate Primal/GURANTEED test. The huge cloud of strong perfume and cologne were tough for Primal to cut through, but it did. I talked to a lot of people and one kid even showed me his video game.
I’m still up in the air on the powers of Primal/GURANTEED, but I’m glad to report no seagull or dog attacks. I can’t pin this weekend’s eye contact and attention strictly to the Primal pheromone powers. Perhaps it was my own personal pheromones? I’d love to hear from you and your take on purchased pheromones.
Please, keep your hands off my snacks!
The other day while doing some work and having a glass of wine at a very chic and trendy ocean resort hotel bar, a good looking young man that I had never seen or met before reached over my laptop computer and skimpy black string bikini-clad boobs, completely invading my personal space and without asking or warning, put his random man-hands into my snacks; my bar snacks, that is.
I was minding my own business, typing away on my laptop with earphones on listening to music, extremely content. I clearly was not there to get laid, have a make out session or to have arbitrary men put their stubby, dirty, man-hands into my snacks.
Who knows where his hands may have been before this very bad-mannered bar snack moment? It didn’t matter to me how good looking he was; the snack situation was not sexy. These were not public bar snacks, you know – the shared bowl of excessively touched , bodily fluid-enriched community mix that sits on the local bar each night. These were my snacks.
On a side note have you seen the news reports on communal AKA community bar snacks? Not pretty or particularly appetizing. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news and I would like to think better of people, but the scientific snack reports have found communal snack bowls to contain traces of pee, poo and other bodily fluids. Scrumptious and ever so tempting! Ahh, the perfect chaser for that cocktail you have been sipping on while munching blissfully away on those thirst inducing, salty, crunchy treats.
Anyway, after this guy man-handled my snacks, he happily chomped away at my olives and proceeded to ask my opinion on the olives. Is he kidding? As I turned off my iPod in a state of disbelief, I asked him nicely why he had just put his hands in my snacks. I didn’t mention the fact that he had also just ate my olives.
His body language became stiff and his facial expression changed. He then angrily told me that I was “uptight.” This was a fascinating moment and in my opinion, he was the one who was “uptight.”
I had never asked him to talk to me, put his hands into my snacks or to eat my olives. It was remarkable to me that not only had he invaded me and my snack space, but he astonishingly had no idea how exceptionally impolite he was. Even more remarkable was that he attacked me verbally by calling me “uptight” more than once! “What an annoying space invader snacker,” was all I could think as I took a drink of my wine.
And why is this story even important? Well, do you want a random person putting their hands in your snacks and eating your olives?
While I was not on a date with him this behavior was disrespectful. He would have been better to drag me back to his cave by my hair. I would love to hear your thoughts on snacks and strangers.