As I mentioned in last Wednesday’s post this weeks blog post will be written by a guest blogger, Erik Cardona who will give us “his take” and insights from a male perspective on booty call.
Lying beside her in post-coital exhaustion, a guy’s mind begins to run a thousand miles a minute. Wondering how to enact the next phase of his sexual game plan, he mentally scrolls through his relational rule book of do’s and don’ts. Glancing over at his partner he begins working through his checklist. No chemistry outside of the bedroom – check. Mutual interest in one another is primarily sexual – check. Fourth time in the sack now and neither of us know one another’s last name – check. Yup, all signs point to booty call. Now what?
For most men it’s the customary mistake of crawling out of bed, pulling their pants up, and scurrying off before sunrise. No cuddling, no talking, no kiss goodbye. Men will go out of their way to avoid breaking the sacred rule of a booty call; a refrain from personal connection. Emotional distance is of the utmost necessity in preserving its framework. The problem with this Neanderthal implementation of the booty call is that it is laden with a lack of respect for the female counterpart.
Immediately after sex, a man is taught to refrain from courtesy for fear the gesture may be confused by the woman for something more. The man begins compensating for what he believes is a woman’s natural tendency to bond with their sexual partner by counteracting insensitively to thwart such ensuing emotional connection. Another aspect is that many women forget not all men are jerks at heart. Some men simply don’t have the stones to perform the cold approach required by the definition of a booty call. In these cases, the jaunt from the bedroom isn’t an act of disrespect as much as it is a bush league attempt at displacing their own personal guilt for having just used her sweater as a towel.
The rule of encouraging human disconnect to preserve emotional austerity in a booty call is archaic. It stems from old-fashioned societal definitions we created in labeling terms for a “booty call.” However, nowadays neither of men’s rationale for inserting elements of disrespect into the sexual relationship is necessary. If the booty call is born out of honesty and forthrightness, then a man should not harbor guilty feelings over using the woman for sex, since she for all intents and purposes is doing the same. In addition, if a woman signs on for a purely physical relationship, the man must give her the benefit of the doubt by understanding she has already controlled her emotional urges to bond, placing them on the backburner for the time being in exchange for a few good rolls in the hay.
With honesty and self-respect inserted into the booty call, the two can continue like rabbits until the cows come home without ever feeling an emotional slight, or the pressure and guilt linked with having to purposely slight their partner. With this pressure release, the two need not fear simple polite gestures anymore. Manners no longer need to be thrown out the window to enjoy a healthy, purely sexual relationship. This means that sleeping into the morning isn’t going to “change things”. Going out for a pre-game drink, or sharing a simple post-game kiss isn’t going to ruin the complexion of the booty call. RELAX…!!!
Why demean either partner for the sake of good sex? If you both are clear about what you’re there for and what you want, there’s no need to create a human disconnect after you get it. Intentionally stepping on someone on your way out the door as a means of preserving the sexual relationship you’re in is ridiculous. If anything, the callous exit only shortens the shelf-life of a booty call and limits your possibilities of enjoying others with future women.
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Every three to four weeks I can be found at a posh Beverly Hills waxing salon with Maria, an aesthetician who attentively plucks my eyebrows and meticulously creates what is referred to by stringent Hollywood standards as, “The Playboy.”
This below-the-belt hot wax torture repeatedly tests my pain threshold and I endure it not necessarily for a potential future “Mr. Right,” but because it gives me complete freedom from Toilet Paper Tinkle Berries*.
Body hair maintenance is part of life. Not that long ago I was confronted by a greasy, short and hairy paparazzi who was stalking Britney Spears outside the above mentioned star-studded waxing salon. Having gone there for many years, I felt very protective of my turf. As I walked out the big glass front door I stood toe-to-toe with hairy paparazzi guy among the utter chaos that he and the 30 or so other long lens predators were creating on city streets. He rudely referenced to “whatever you women do to your hair thing-a-ma-bobs in there.” Clearly he is a man who spends way too much time stalking celebrities and not enough on his own nose hair which was long, black and visible, ARGH! I would hate to see the rest of his body. YUCK! Maybe he could use tips from this site http://www.mensskincaretips.com/Pubic_Shaving_Tips.html
The other night (fresh from my own recent hair removal and completely Toilet Paper Tinkle Berry free), I met a young handsome man with whom I had an instant connection. As we casually shot the breeze, surprisingly the topic of below-the-belt-hair “trimming” came up.
Digging deeper into the conversation, I was compelled to ask what exactly is an actively dating guy living in LA’s take on below-the-belt-hair care and does he and his single friends talk over beers and Monday night football about the best maintenance methods to keep their coif tastefully groomed for their next hot encounter? Please forward this link to your guy friends if they are not: http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/
As I flashed back on my furry paparazzi run-in and his disrespectful comment on a “women’s thing-a-ma-bobs,” I wondered just how far does this double standard between men vs. women go when it comes to below-the-belt-hair sprucing?
To trim or not to trim, who does and who doesn’t?
Josh (not his real name) agreed to meet me the next night and give me the inside scoop on men’s thoughts about the personal trimming topic and when we met over drinks this is what I found out (these are his words):
1. When I realized that having long hair down there could be turn off to my date I asked my guy friends what to do and the best cutting method, shears, trimmers or scissors?
2. For some guys it just doesn’t connect or cross the radar if we should or shouldn’t groom, but we do talk about girls’ grooming habits.
3. For most guys, I suppose they think that a girl should be well-groomed and trimmed but we don’t necessarily think that we should consider it too.
4. If a guy trims, most of us will use a trimmer – it’s the weapon of choice. It won’t cut you; nothing sharp. Scissors are out of the question!
5. And in my experience, if you are from a small town or city, the topic between men on trimming just doesn’t get discussed.
6. It comes to respect. If I expect her to be well-groomed, then I should reciprocate.
As I interviewed Josh, I asked him if he thought most of the men in the bar were “trimmers” like him?
He said, “NO, NOT ONE!”
I then noticed the average age of the group and that most of the men wore wedding bands. Josh finished his sentence with “I think men may think that when you are married ‘who cares,’ and it’s just not needed.”
As we left the bar, I asked the happily married local bartender if he trimmed or not? And with no qualms he said:
“YES! I use clippers and a razor, because even though I’m married you never know what will happen night-to-night.”
In the end I think there are lots of trimming variables here. I’m just glad I don’t worry about Toilet Paper Tinkle Berries.
Grooming tips welcome.
*”Toilet Paper Tinkle Berries” is the not-so-adorable name I made up to describe the tiny bits of toilet paper that roll into little white balls and attach themselves to hair – and that’s why it’s good to wax.
In last week’s “Pheromones Primal or Not?” blog post, I casually mentioned that I had made out with two guys from one of my local hangouts. I also mentioned that on that random night, as I walked into the bar there they both sat, side-by-side.
It’s important to note that I made out with each of them on completely different occasions and seasons.
Anyway, as they casually chatted over cocktails, it made me wonder if they were comparing notes about my ass, runner’s legs, or if I’m a lousy or talented kisser?
Do single men really talk about their various sexual encounters and if so, just how much of the salacious sexual dirt gets spilled on the down and dirty of what happens between the sheets or from an uninhibited and steamy one night stand in the back seat of his car?
Do men kiss and tell?
I had a gut feeling that my kiss-and-tell investigation could potentially expose a secret and confidential man’s society that I wasn’t privy to. That is, unless I sleep with Man #1! Then I will gain a full access pass. See below for reference.
Early the next morning I sent an e-mail to 22 of my handsome and sexually-active guy friends to honestly dish on the kiss-and-tell topic. I was surprised by the lack of response. As I listened to the deafening sound of crickets coming from my computer, I did wonder, were my suspicions confirmed, was I actually roaming into a no man’s land where I’m not technically, emotionally, and spiritually allowed to roam? Or were my friends just busy?
Thankfully, I wasn’t left completely in the dark.
There are only six men’s opinions here, and yes, I realize how vast the world is, but I do think that each man’s answers speak volumes. Also interesting is that I have placed them in the order received.
Him- I can only give this info in person and between the sheets….
Me- Is that a bribe?Him- Yes…When, Maybe now? I want to lick you slowly until you’re bucking against me….
(This is what he wrote. I didn’t want to edit it, sorry if it seems a bit raunchy and honestly right now I’m way too busy to be “bucking” and while he is very cute, I have not “bucked” with him for years).
Him-Depends on how good she is!
Me-If she sucks, mum’s the word?
Him-Also depends on the guy… A true “playa” won’t need to say anything, because everyone knows if he goes out with a girl… They’re having sex.
Him- As you know I do chat with girlfriends (you mostly) about sex but not really at all with my guy friends (except the usual…”we have lots of sex, etc.”)
Him- I don’t know about kiss-and-tell, I would like to know the study of women who hold out on their men and why….
I’m 53 so I believe it is a function of age, character and maturity. A younger man may reveal more about his explicit activities for bragging rights and as you get older in your 30’s and 40’s, regardless if it’s a man or a woman, what you disclose depends on the “type” of friendship. When you are older you tend to have more female friends to “maybe” discuss sex with, but you’re careful with your words, and it depends on if it’s a female or male so you don’t embarrass or offend the person, that is unless you’re asked detailed questions, such as, “did you go down on her?”
In my late thirties, I dated a woman who gave me the best blow jobs ever – I mean ever. I shared this with two close guy friends and even now when I mention her name my two friends will always remember her..
When I’m in a long term relationship, it almost seemed to be “off limits” with my friends, occasionally I would say something like, “she loved for me go down on her.”
Moving into your 50’s, it’s rare for me to “kiss and tell.” I will simply say “I got laid last night” – but kissing and telling with females, it depends on your relationship. I have female friends, but I don’t discuss intimate details unless asked, to be respectful.
On a rare occasion usually after drinking, a guy might say to another – “Yeah, I’d like to do her, go down on her or fuck her in the ass.” But that depends on the type of guy friend. In the end for me it really just comes down to, age, character and recognizing the beauty of a woman and the pursuit.
In regards to your question- here’s how it usually works (from my experience):
If it’s a random hook-up or neither person is in a relationship, guys talk about it- the amount of detail depends on if anything weird happened, if the sex was really good/fun or if it was really bad. But beans are spilled as to the quality of what happened, also if there is any interest in the girl.
If the girl is cheating on her boyfriend- guys will tell their friends too- because they didn’t do anything wrong so what’s the big deal if the other guy finds out unless of course he is connected to their group of friends in which case, you probably wouldn’t say much except to your best friend, but then again, you might be an asshole and not give a shit and tell people anyway.
If you are cheating on your girlfriend- same thing- you might tell one of your buddies to get it off your chest but it might not come out until a few weeks later to prevent an uproar of excitement and interest about what happened.
In any case, guys talk, maybe not to the extent and intimate details that women do, but we definitely talk about what happened-the good, bad, crazy, weird, love, fling, mistake, etc. If something weird, kinky or just great sex went down then men will tend to tell more people if the subject of that particular girl comes up. Close friends get the real dirt, other friends just get the casual “oh I hooked up with her”. Hope this helps. Just one man’s point of view.
While these are just six men’s thoughts and words on the kiss-and-tell topic. I know there are countless more, and if you have anything to add or comment on, it would be great to hear and you don’t have to “buck.”