Drinking and Dating. Part 1

  • Posted on: November 14th, 2007 by

Drinking alcohol is an acceptable social act for cultures and people around the world. It’s generally part of lifestyle norms dating back to the early Neolithic period (cir. 10,000 BC)
History of Alcohol

I’m an aficionado of impressive top-shelf tequila and have a weakness for great white wine and passionate kissing. This is where I have experienced some of life’s great highs as well as lows. I thought about some of these past encounters as I drank a glass of wine with friends and began philosophizing about the effects drinking may have on dating.

To quote The Soko, “Everyone knows driving under the influence is a bad idea, but what about dating under the influence?”
Dating and Drinking

About a year ago I dated a smart, good-looking man who was at that time a well-paid professional, making more money than most at his age of 28.

We met by chance at a local spot and by no means, was our meeting an intentional “pick-up.” Simply stated, we were both at the same place, at the same time to eat half-off Happy Hour sushi and as the drinks began flowing so did the heated flirtation.

I decided to interview him for this blog post for a few reasons. Number one being that we unexpectedly kissed that first night we met, and because of that initial connection, we also dated for a bit. However, in retrospect and by the sober light of day, I can see very clearly how drinking did change the circumstances of our situation and not for the better… I will leave the thought provoking details to post at a later date.

While he did drink much, much more than I did, regardless of the amounts either of us consumed, alcohol still played a central part in the evolution of what happened between us.

And this is what he had to say when I asked him the question; “Does drinking affect dating?”

“YES, drinking does affect dating! When I’m at the bar interacting with people it’s easier if I have been drinking. I’m not focusing on my own life stuff. Drinking lets my mind go to another world where my senses are more focused in on the ‘now’ and to a place where my inhibitions are let down.”

During that point in our conversation is when we mutually agreed (now as platonic friends) that if we were both completely sober when we had met that first night we would not have kissed, and that much of the unraveling and misunderstandings that occurred between us was in large part due to drinking.
Smart Sex

As we talked, I asked him how dating has changed since not drinking?
He said, “I approach things differently now. I don’t make myself as open. I’m more selective as to who I talk with. I’m not as aggressive in my behavior and I don’t approach others with unsolicited, conversational interruptions, whether in public or private settings, like I did when I was drinking heavily. Now that I’m relatively sober I don’t have the engine or the fuel for that kind of behavior; the engine being my brain and the fuel being the alcohol.”

And in closing he said, “Without drinking I’m more aware of people.”

This is a two-part blog post. Next week will be another interview about drinking and dating from a woman’s perspective who just ended a relationship with a man she thought was a “good guy” but ended up, as she puts it, “a prick and a heavy drinker.” Till then your thoughts on drinking and dating are welcome.




  • Jeff

    Until I stopped drinking three years ago, there WAS NO dating without drinking, ever. Every woman I had dated (well, except the very first two), including the one I wound up living with for two years, I met in bars. And I basically had three criteria — ready, willing, and able. And they approached me, not vice versa. An “approach” like the guy you interviewed described was unthinkable, no matter how hammered I was.

    These days, other than those two fluke things I described on your other site, there pretty much is no dating. I suppose I could hit on the girls at the AA meetings, like I guess a lot of guys do, but that just seems kind of…I dunno, icky.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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