"How Do I Connect With My Date?"

Today I’m honored to have expert guest blogger… SmoothTalker from pulljoy.wordpress.com.
Enjoy!

Men often ask ‘How do I connect with my date, and keep things on a romantic level?’ I imagine some guys are concerned about staying out of the dreaded ‘friend zone’, and want to ensure that a bond is being built via conversation, body language, and atmosphere. My advice is to talk less about mundane things such as her career and yours, unless one or both of you is in a creative profession. Similarly, avoid the topic of past dates and girlfriends. Too positive and you sound like you’re not over them, too negative and you seem a basher. You should discuss her overall goals and dreams, as these are a better indicator of her spirit than her day job, particularly if she is relatively young. Ask general questions that delve into character, such as ‘If you could live anywhere on earth, where would you live, and why?’, or, ‘If you won $2.5 million tomorrow, how would you spend it?’. Probing inquiries make her sense your interest and depth, which helps establish connection.

It cannot be stressed enough that movies or dinner are poor choices of bonding activities for early dates. You cannot face, see, or talk to one another inside a dark theater, and you won’t be able to read her eye contact or body language. That two hours is better spent in a more cozy environment such as a small bistro, facing one another in a both, or walking in a public gardens or park with plenty benches suited for taking a break. The trouble with dinner is it isn’t original, and you want to stand out. A park, mall, or store-lined street where there are things about that provoke spontaneous observation, is more relaxed and active. Few things bring a new couple closer than a good walk. Passersby, nature, dogs- the scenario is full of conversation pieces. Movement also provides opportunities for initial handholding- an opportunity for you to gauge the connection. Nocturnal walks are romantic for obvious reasons.

Laughter relaxes us all. When she is amused by your witty remarks about your immediate surroundings, the work world is far away. She’ll want to spend more time with you because of your sense of humor.

If you must share a meal at this stage, do so in an aesthetically pleasing place where you’re a regular. If you’re a valued customer, she’ll sense this by the staff’s response to you, and ’social capital’ (good standing) is attractive. It spells ‘good guy’- yet another reason she’ll wish to spend more time with you.

Stick to the weighty topics, the romantic places, and the original activities, and you’ll create the bond you desire.

ST