By Jack Elliot
They are everywhere. They come in hordes reeking of too much cologne. They plague the air with bad breath and conversation. Their egos barely fit through wide and spacious doorways. They repeatedly offer to buy you drinks after you say no. They try to dance with you after you say no. They ask for your cell phone number after you say no. They drunk dial you (which is why you say no to their previous question). They are drunken men.
Now of course, it would be unfair to label all men who like to go out and have a good time as obnoxious egotistical drunks who think that any woman he comes across would be lucky to hear his voice or touch his abs. But to say they aren’t ubiquitous wouldn’t be fair to their kind either. They can be spotted, perhaps at this very moment, huddling around the kegs at universities across the country, ordering whiskey shots at many a dive bar, ordering beers at many a sports bar, yelling cliché flatteries across the bar at you, trying out their new pickup lines, embarrassing themselves on many a dance floor.
From my descriptions of them, I’m sure you have been able to deduce my perceptions of drunken men. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that many of you probably feel the same way about them. But why is it they act this way? And why are drunken men typically perceived in such a negative manner?
In response to the first question, As opposed to the charming fellows who know when the next drink will be one too many, these drunk types seem to have no idea about the “one too many” rule- so it seems that a lack of self-control could contribute to their asinine behavior. And wouldn’t it necessarily follow that a lack of self-control evolves from a lack of maturity?
One could also argue that, on top of their maturity and self-control shortcomings, drunk mens’ lack of respect and poor behavior could also stem from the lowering of inhibitions that is a byproduct of their excessive slaking of alcohol. So it would then seem that their poor ability to monitor their drinking habits then leads to an even poorer ability to monitor their hands, the words that come out of their mouths, or their pathetic attempts at cutting a rug on the dance floor.
And when it comes to the second question, the answer is pretty simple: there really isn’t a way to put a drunken man with a lack of self-control or respect in a positive light. How could any of their actions, which embarrass him and degrade others, be interpreted as positive? They cannot. End of story.
So next time you’re sitting at the bar and Joe Drunk comes and sits next to you, buys you a drink, showers you with cheesy compliments, tries to get your cell phone number repeatedly, just remember to be wary and realize that it is the alcohol talking.