In walks Jennifer Kelton and Jessica Downey two modern day Lois Lane’s who are unabashedly hitting the pavement in their bustling hometowns of Los Angeles and Chicago. Armed with sharpened pencils and crisp white lined note pads, asking a total of 50 unsuspecting strangers of all ages, genders and demographics in random locations — the odd, the unusual and at times taboo questions involving all things dating and mating.
Be on the look out for a new topic and question each month.
I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, shaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty,
oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen,
knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided,
powered, flowered and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied.
~Lyrics from the song and musical Hair
Question: It’s your first date with someone you’ve had a crush on at work for a good amount of time. Since it’s an office environment you both have been in business attire. It’s a hot day and you meet at the park for a bike ride — He or she shows up and you notice an excessive amount of body hair.
She does not shave her legs and or arm pits. (Hello, Jungle Jane, you wonder if maybe she just forgot?)
He has unusual amounts of back, underarm and arm hair. (Hello Grizzly Adams, is he that hairy everywhere?)
Do you still have a “crush” or is all that hair a buzz kill (and in fact needs an actual buzzer…) for sexual attraction?
Guys – Still have a crush:6 Buzz kill:19 (Total 25)
Girls – Still have a crush:12 Buzz kill:13 (Total 25)
1. Age 43: Guy – Married English man sitting at the bar in the LAX Red Carpet Club. “Straight out the window a BIG NO, NO!”
2. Age 62: Guy – Bartender at the LAX Red Carpet Club. “Buzz kill!” Laughing hard while wearing his uniform. “No, No, No.”
3. Age 24: Girl – Receptionist at waxing salon. “No, not a buzz kill.” Cute girl in yellow dress with tattoo across her chest. “Love is good.”
4. Age 32: Girl – Receptionist at waxing salon. “Nope not a buzz kill.” Very dark black hair with thick accent. “Happy, optimistic, lucky.”
5. Age 34: Girl – Receptionist at hair salon with plumeria flower behind ear. “OH, honey that’s a buzz kill!” Very disgusted look. “I don’t like hairy guys and NO office affairs!” “Kinda grossed out by that first question.”
6. Age 47: Guy – Sitting at the bar at a Mexican restaurant. “No of course not.”
7. Age 39: Girl – Sitting at the bar at a Mexican restaurant. “None of the above that would have been a nightmare.” “It’s interesting that we met at happy hour.”
8. Age 39: Guy – Clerk at mailing center, in uniform. “Might not be, doesn’t help – but she just might be really HOT!” “No more plugs.”
9. Age 25: Girl – Clerk at mailing center in uniform with cute dimples. “It’s killed YOU gotta GO!!!” “Um do you want to go for waxing?”
10. Age 47: Guy – Sales clerk at beauty counter wearing nice black shirt. “Yes, it’s a sexual buzz kill – but I would have noticed before by the arm and neck hair, I’m gay.” “Um, some people like hair.”
11. Age 41: Girl – Sales clerk with great laugh in a black suit at woman’s clothing store. “YES, GROSS!” Laughing. “That’s nasty…”
12. Age 43: Guy – Wearing a nice striped button down shirt at swanky Beverly Hills hotel bar. “BUZZ kill!” “WAX it.”
13. Age 47: Guy – Bartender in uniform at swanky Beverly Hills hotel bar. “It’s not my thing but if it’s an extended crush, I would over look it in a guy, I’m gay. But if it were a woman it would for sure be a buzz kill.”
14. Age 24: Girl – Bartender in uniform at a swanky Beverly Hills hotel bar. “Buzz kill, for sure a buzz kill!”
15. Age 23: Girl – Sitting at bar in black sweatshirt. “It’s a buzz kill!” “Tequila is the best drink ever!”
16. Age 21: Girl – Sitting at bar in striped shirt from the mid west. “I think a little chest hair is sexy, but if you are talking monkey, it’s a buzz kill and that draws the line.” “I call men with chest hair ‘June bugs’ and then I twizzle the hair.”
17. Age 24: Girl – Sitting at bar wearing a yellow shirt, from the mid west. “Buzz kill as far as sexual relations, but we can still be friends.” “Just live!”
18. Age 36: Guy – Cashier at station behind glass in uniform. Laughing… “I would still like her. It all depends on the conversations – outside is different from the inside, most people look at each other from the outside not the inside.”
19. Age 47: Guy – Film Editor. “There are too many factors. Is she a hippie chick? Is she corporate with a bun? I may be attracted. But if I’m attracted to a Hollywood perfect princess, I would still be interested being the dog I am. There is a lot of extenuating circumstances.”
20. Age 37: Guy – Bartender at trendy Santa Monica sushi restaurant in uniform. “Kills it.” “Maintenance!”
21. Age 33: Guy – Waiter at trendy Santa Monica sushi restaurant in uniform. “Buzz Kill.” “I love sex.”
22. Age 34: Guy – Waiter at trendy Santa Monica sushi restaurant in uniform. Laughing… “It would kinda be a buzz kill, actually that happened to me, but it worked out. I convinced her to shave. But initially it would be a buzz kill, but pretty is pretty.” “Live long and prosper.”
23. Age 30: Girl – Waiter at trendy Santa Monica sushi restaurant in uniform. “Buzz kill, the most important thing in a relationship is hygiene.”
24. Age 33: Girl – In shorts and tee shirt walking a pug dog in a quiet residential street in Culver City. “Buzz Kill, the whole hair thing…”
25. Age 38: Girl – In shorts and tee shirt walking a pug dog in a quite residential street in Culver City. “Buzz kill…Ewww…!”
1. Age 28: Guy – At the 7-Eleven buying a Slurpee. Wearing a white shirt with cut off shorts. “The hair is a turn off, the crush is totally gone unless she forgot to bring the weed wacker.”
2. Age 25: Girl – At a bar, waiting for a friend and drinking a beer. Wearing a black shirt and white pants with a very pretty sparkly necklace. “I don’t mind a little hair as long as grooming is a big part of the guy’s routine. If it was so much hair that I’m distracted from out conversation or activity I might have to reconsider.” “I’m a cultural journalist in Chicago.”
3. Age 43: Guy – Running along the lake front path (stopped for a break). Wearing tight spandex black shorts and a tank top. “The crush is definitely gone, hair should only be in the normal spots on a woman.” “Life is good.”
4. Age 44: Guy – Running along the lake (stopped for a break). Wearing navy blue running shorts and an Indiana University T-shirt. “If it’s her underarms and legs the crush is definitely gone, especially if it looks like she hasn’t shaved in a while. I can work with the other spots.”
5. Age 57: Girl – Waiting at the bar for a table at a restaurant. Wearing a black dress with big red earrings and very high red heels. Laughs and says “I’d definitely still have a crush. Actually if he didn’t have hair I would lose the crush and question his manhood.” “I still like tequila.”
6. Age 22: Girl – Walking her dog in the park. Wearing black leggings, a long red shirt and a pretty flowered headband. “It wouldn’t bother me as long as it is well maintained.” “I secretly wished I had x-ray vision.”
7. Age 21: Guy – Walking in the park with a girl walking a dog. Wearing tan shorts and a blue vintagy looking shirt. “How much hair are we talking about here? I think if she was totally opposed to ever removing her body hair I would stop seeing her. If she was willing to remove it but just hadn’t then I would be okay.” “I am applying to law schools. I love Chicago.”
8. Age 49: Guy – Sitting at a bar drinking a Stella. Wearing black dress pants and dark red shirt. “The crush would be gone, I can’t stand hairy women at all. Except for you know, their arms and head.” “I am waiting for my first blind date ever.”
9. Age 37: Guy – Waiting in the checkout line at Walgreens. Wearing a white shirt with crazy patterns and dark jeans, sunglasses. “I would stop seeing her. No hair, no way, no how. “I rock.”
10. Age 37: Girl – Waiting in the checkout line at Walgreens. Pretty flowered halter top, jean skirt and flip flops. “I would stop seeing him. I do not like hairy guys. I can handle mild hair on the legs and arms, but other than that please remove it.” “I just got engaged and I do hair for a living.”
11. Age 49: Guy – Ordering drinks at a bar. Wearing a white shirt with jeans and brown shoes. Salt and pepper hair. “I wouldn’t be too grossed out if it was well maintained but I think I would ask her if she planned on keeping it that way forever.” “I am divorced, no kids and I am an accountant.”
12. Age 50: Guy – Waiting for takeout food. Wearing running shorts and a tank top. “Hair is never attractive on a woman, but we could still be friends.” “Love, love, love – should I say It two more times to make it five words.” Laughs.
13. Age 30: Girl – Ordering a drink at a bar. Wearing a tight blue dress with pretty gold earrings and a very chunky bracelet. “Hair doesn’t bother me at all. Sometimes it’s nice to snuggle up to a man with a hairy chest.” “It’s my birthday, I just turned 30 today and I’m feelin’ good.”
14. Age 32: Girl – Literally ran into her at the park, she was running and not paying attention. Wearing black running shorts and a black t-shirt. Laughed hysterically. “I am fine with hair as long as it is well maintained and he is not smelly.” “I’m sorry I ran into you.”
15. Age 35: Girl – Waiting in line at a clothing store. Wearing dark jeans and a grey shirt. Pretty blue earrings. “The crush would totally be gone. I actually make my boyfriend shave his whole body.”
16. Age 60: Guy – Waiting for someone at a restaurant, at the bar with a drink. Wearing black pants and a black shirt. Totally bald. Laughs “I don’t mind some hair, we are all human after all.”
17. Age 60: Girl – At a restaurant, meeting a guy. Wearing a black dress with a pretty turquoise necklace. “Men need hair. It wouldn’t bother me at all.” “This is my first date since my divorce. I am wearing heels and hope I don’t drink too much wine.”
18. Age 51: Girl – Getting coffee at Starbucks. Wearing a black skirt with a white button-up shirt. “Wouldn’t bother me at all.” “I’m a lawyer.”
19. Age 25: Guy – At a bar waiting for a drink. Wearing a blue striped shirt with jeans. “The crush would totally be gone. I can handle the private kind of hair, but not when it’s hanging out of her clothes like that.” “Beer is awesome.”
20. Age 28: Girl – In line at a furniture store. Wearing a pretty pink sundress, hair in side pony take with a flower. “As long as it’s not hanging out of his clothes. I am fine. Actually a little chest hair hanging out is okay, but back hair, no way that is gross.” “I just moved here from a really small town.”
21. Age 43: Girl – Waiting at the airport to board a flight. Wearing black pants and a red shirt. “I would be totally fine with hair, I mean I am dating a man right?” “I live in Chicago and I am originally from New York.”
22. Age 19: Guy – Sitting next to me on the plane to New York. Wearing jeans and a blue polo shirt. Laughs. “Yeah I am pretty sure the crush would be gone. Unless she was willing to remove it. But how do you even ask that?”
23. Age 41: Guy – Waiting in a restaurant for takeout. Wearing a white shirt with print and jeans. Flip flops. “Crush is definitely gone. I can’t date a hairy woman.” “I am not a hairy guy.”
24. Age 42: Girl – Waiting at a nail salon. Wearing a black sundress and sandals. Pretty red hair. “I don’t think hair alone can end a crush. I mean you can talk him into removing it.” “I am single, never been married.”
25. Age 39: Guy – Waiting at a hair salon. Wearing black running shorts and a white shirt. “Definitely kills the crush. I am not saying that I would stop dating her just because of that but I would wonder if she’s planning on staying like that forever.” “I am getting married in a couple of weeks, my wife-to-be said I need a haircut.”
(Insert old crackling radio sound here.) This is Two Women, Two Cities and One Question signing off till the next time where we hit the reporters beat. And we also need to go sharpen our pencils. Over and out and thanks for reading.
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