By Juliette McGough
Although parachute pants are trying to make a comeback, lets all hope they don’t.
Parachute pants, which were originally designed as menswear, were an acceptable article of clothing for a total of four years in the early 1980s. They were usually bright colored and looked great while break dancing or doing the centipede. Unfortunately in today’s world, the centipede is only performed by drunk, distant relatives at awkward family weddings. If you’re lucky, you might see it on Youtube when a drunken frat boy attempts it, and usually fails.
Parachute pants are equally hideous on both men and women. Who wants to wear pants with a crotch half way to the ground? If you are wearing these pants on a date and the wind picks up, your pants would expand like a sail and you might fly away. The immense about of fabric used for these unfortunate pants make any person look wider than a semi truck, and both men and woman don’t want or need a wide ass. Celebrities don’t even attempt to wear parachute pants because they know they will end up on every “What was she thinking?” website by the end of the day. Recently, one of the hottest celebrities in Hollywood, Kim Kardashian, made an attempt at parachute pants and failed miserably.
However, there are three positive aspects of parachute pants. First, there is a guarantee that you will never have a camel toe or a moose knuckle (male version of a camel toe). Second, the pants are great for break dancing. With all that room inside those pants, you are able to do tricks with ease and have the ability to show your date your awesome dance moves (however, the most you would get out of me is a somersault). Lastly, parachute pants give your date the impression that you are a genie, which is really cool, because then you could grant wishes all night long.
When you go on a first date, a good first impression is important and parachute pants will not help you achieve that shining impression. Some first thoughts might include, “Oh god, I didn’t know this was a themed date,” “Is there going to be a dance competition involved?” or “Should I have worn leg warmers and a side ponytail?” Sure, if your date is taking you to an 80s night at some Hollywood club, then you will be a hit in those oversized, obnoxious parachute pants, but if you go anywhere else you will look like a fool. The last thing you want is to have your date thinking that you are out-dated and living in the past.
What do you think, are parachute pants a fashion dating do or don’t?