By Juliette McGough
There are some “cracked” things I really appreciate on dates: cracked wheat bread and cracked black pepper are a couple. However other things, such as crack heads and ass cracks, are things I do not wish to see on a date…ever. Usually, you can figure out if someone is a crack head by speaking to them, and as long as they don’t bring up drug deals or unicorns you are usually in the clear. However, determining whether your date will be showing their ass crack is almost impossible to find out prior to your date.
For women, showing a little butt crack was popular along with the low-rise jean craze in the mid to late 1990s. I remember sitting in class hoping that a little butt crack would pop out of the top of my jeans so I could resemble a celebrity (or to just get the attention of the loser next to me). But in today’s world of the high wasted jeans, that would be an outrage. In today’s world, a date should not include your thong flossing your butt cheeks while eating a slab of chicken Parmesan. For a woman, showing a little butt crack on a date might make you look like a floozy, or it might make people think that you prefer to wear children’s clothes instead of your own, properly fitting clothes. It also might make you look like you are channeling Britney Spears, pre-head shaving craziness. To prevent this 1998 butt crack look, a woman can wear a long shirt, a belt to hold her pants up or leggings. So many options, so little butt crack. These options will keep a guy more focused on you, and not on your crack.
Seeing a guys butt crack on a date is way worse than seeing a woman’s because of one reason: hair. If I saw a man crack on a date I would probably barf up my chicken wings (or whatever cheap meal my date takes me to). Another problem with man crack is that it always is sticking out 3 to 6 inches. It is never just a peak of crack; it has to be a foot long trench of hairy grossness! If I am on a date and my dates butt crack could fit a bread stick in it, there is too much crack showing. If I see man crack on our date, I’m assuming that you are a plumber on your side job, that belts are no longer in season or that you are a date who is into over-sharing.
Butt cracks look cute on Britney Spears circa 2001 or babies, who are too tiny to fit their diapers, but not on responsible adults, and especially not on a date.