I’m feeling really depressed despite the New Year. I broke up with my girlfriend over the holidays. As much as I love her as a person, I knew that our future together was just not in the cards. We each have very, very different life needs and ambitions despite the love. I’m in a funk and feeling heartbroken. I know I’ve made the “right” choice but can’t get out her of my head and heart.
What would you do?
Been there, buddy. So been there. I feel your pain, know exactly what you’re going through and I don’t envy you in the slightest.
I dated one guy for five years and we broke up three or four times over the course of our relationship, always coming back together in a flurry of tears and make-up sex. But, inevitably, all the problems that caused us to rupture would resurface and we’d split again.
Looking back on it now, five years after our final goodbye, I realize that our first breakup should have been our only one. We were caught in a vicious spin cycle of ripping apart and reconciling not because we were meant to be but because we didn’t know how to be apart.
That’s not love, that’s dependency. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we’d kept that rotation going, perhaps worked to stay together and gotten married. Then a chill runs up my spine because I know that if we were husband and wife, I would be miserable, probably cheating on him and regretting all the years of our coupledom.
Yes, breaking up is painful and awful. Yes, you feel like you’ve lost your best friend. Yes, sleeping alone sucks and not having sex is every suckier. But getting back together is never the answer. What you have to remember is, there’s a reason you broke up in the first place and that reason, whatever it may be, isn’t going anywhere. People don’t change, no matter how much we hope, pray and believe they will.
Adding insult to your heart’s injury is the fact that you broke up over the holidays, which, you should know, is actually when a lot of couples split. I think it has something to do with realizing you have to spend money on a gift for someone you really really like, but don’t really love anymore. The holiday season is a time of family and friends, were “I love you” flows like Egg Nog and the New Year is kicked off in a liplock. No one wants to be standing solo at midnight, I get that. But, like you said, you did the right thing and you shouldn’t turn back now.
As far as what I would do, there’s only one thing you can do, be strong and move on.
Good luck, Sasha
*Feel free to email us with any dating, relationship, love and sex questions you may have for Sasha.