Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: Arguing in Public

  • Posted on: March 31st, 2011 by

By Rachel Spensatelli

Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship knows it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and butterflies. Occasional quarrels and disagreements just come with the territory. Arguing is natural, and as long as it’s done constructively, it can be healthy. Aside from knowing how and when to argue, where to argue is important too.

So what about couples who fight in public – which by the way is never, under any circumstance, acceptable. You wouldn’t bring your dirty laundry to lunch with you, would you? It’d be utterly bizarre, and chances are others don’t want to smell your stinky socks while trying to enjoy their sandwich.

A couple walked into my bar last week who ended up being the quintessential example of what can go wrong when arguing in public.

They walked in, she went to the bathroom, and he beelined straight to the bar. He ordered a beer for himself, a glass of wine for her, and a double shot of whiskey that he downed like a bat out of hell before she got back. The fact that he needed a double shot and was apparently hiding it from her was an instant red flag. She returned from the bathroom, makeup fresh, looking pretty, and sat closely down next to him — I wondered how in the world she ended up with him. I immediately sensed a travesty brewing.

He noticed that she had touched up her makeup and then sarcastically asked, whom she was trying to impress?. She responded with an eye-roll and snapped “evidently not you.” Their insensitive banter carried on and quickly escalated into an all out screaming match.

Soon he was outside pacing the pavement in frustration with his teeth clenched, and she was on the phone resembling a raccoon as mascara dripped down her face, as she cried hysterically to her mom. These two were beyond a hot sticky mess.

The girl picked up her dignity and headed for the door when he roughly grabbed her arm, pulled her into a chair, and yelled that she wasn’t going anywhere. Within minutes a customer called the cops and the couple who had just come in for a drink was now being questioned by the LAPD. Bottom line, he’d assaulted her, and the cops booked him. Point being, arguing is bad enough but when you do it in public, and it reaches a high enough velocity, one or both parties could end up spending the night spooning Big Bad Bubba Malone in the slammer.

Hopefully, that next morning the couple came to their senses and called their relationship quits. However, human nature being what it is, they probably enjoyed make-up sex, promised to see a counselor and stop drinking, but instead wound up back in the same old rut.

Some people bring out the worst in each other and this was unmistakably the case with these two. Sadly many spend their entire lives together based on habit instead of happiness.

Don’t get me wrong, every now and then it’s inevitable to have a minor spat when you’re out. Nevertheless, when the people sitting next to you hear you calling your date a fat lazy slob that’s when it crosses the line. Next time you’re in a public place and feel the urge to inform your girlfriend she’s a whore for flirting with the waiter, or yell at your boyfriend for sleeping with your sister, wait until you get home. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and trashy. I can assure you nobody wants to hear it.




  • Very good article! Your comment about some couples spending their lives together based on habit rather than happiness is on point.

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Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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