Tuesday’s Topic – Can You Change a Cheater?

By Jessica Downey – Not What I Ordered

Continuing with the #MoldableMay theme we have this weeks Tuesday’s Topic: Can You Change a Cheater?

If you pay any attention to headlines it seems like every time you turn around another someone is cheating on their spouse. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Jesse James — the list could go on and on. Most of us have also heard of the timeless examples of womanizers. Elvis Presley, John F. Kennedy and so on. So it kind of makes you wonder — once a cheater always a cheater? And can you change a cheater?

I don’t think you can really say once a cheater always a cheater because that’s just too confining. There are too many variables and everyone is different. I also don’t think you can compare any relationship to another relationship; especially that of a celebrity. But I do think there are some people who will cheat over and over and over again. Those are people that are probably more suited for an open relationship.

People marry for all different reasons. Some marry for power or status so the marriage is more of a business arrangement. Others marry because they think it’s the adult thing to do — you grow up, you get a job, you get married. And, people also marry for love.

People also cheat for very different reasons. I genuinely believe there are people who just aren’t designed for monogamy. But for whatever reason they get married (it goes back to status, power, etc). Some people just aren’t happy in the relationship so they seek happiness elsewhere. And sometimes it can even be a drunken stupid mistake.

Let me say that I in no way condone cheating. However I also don’t judge. We are all human after all.

Obviously there are tons of variables that go into this whole thing so the idea that once a cheater always a cheater doesn’t really jive with me. If both people in the relationship are willing to work it out I think it’s possible. I also think it’s possible for the cheater to realize they made a mistake and want to work things out. They have to be committed to making things work. And they have to be committed to never cheating again. The temptation will always be there.

Sometimes it’s a matter of both people working on the relationship. If there are problems and the cheater is looking someplace else to solve those problems then he/she needs to admit those issues and stop using other outlets to try to fix it.

However, there is a really crucial piece here. The cheater has to genuinely realize what they did and realize that it was wrong. After all, it might not be once a cheater always a cheater but the only one who can really change a cheater is the cheater himself/herself.

What do you think can you change a cheater?

* For the next few weeks we here at Badonlinedates.com will be talking, writing and posting about the ideas, motives, and thoughts that surround trying to “mold” aka change someone in a relationship. Is it possible, is it a good idea?

Join in and share your own “Moldable May” stories with us on Twitter with the hash tag #MoldableMay, and on the
Badonlinedates.com site where you may also to be featured in an original Sunday Bad Date Funnies cartoon by telling your own story, and by using the title Moldable May in your header.




  • I don’t think *you* can change a cheater. But I believe a cheater can change, most assuredly. I have proof of that within my own family. And I think you can inspire a cheater to want to change for him or herself. People have to want that transformation for themselves for it to stick.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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