There’s an App for that.
Sometimes I used to laugh at that phrase “there’s someone out there for everyone.” But the older I get, the more I realize how true that is—everyone is someone’s type. Sometimes it’s just harder to find out who you fit with. I’m a fairly oddball, and I know I’m not compatible with a lot of guys—whether it be because of my physical appearance, or my mental state, or my emotional landscape. Sometimes you really have to look hard to find someone who’s into you. Or vice versa.
Luckily, there’s an app for that.
In the good old days, you had to do something crazy like go to a bar, or a single’s mixer, or join a book club or church or something like that—I don’t really know, actually. I’m 26; I don’t know what old people did to get laid. Bless your hearts, the effort you must’ve had to put into it was a hell of a lot more than what we have to do now. And for us homo’s, it’s even easier thanks to our handy dandy smart phones.
There are so many gay dating applications for your smart phones now, it’s actually kind of ridiculous. I mean, seriously? I have 6 on my phone right now. I can waste my entire day looking at men I’ll never have sex with.
…I mean date.
…I mean have sex with.
The best part about these apps, however, is the diversity. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you look like, they have created an app for someone just like you, to meet other people just like you! Granted, it makes everything so easy that it doesn’t even feel worth it, but you have to respect our community’s love of all things absolutely unnecessary.
Say you’re just a normal guy, looking for a normal guy. Well there’s certainly about 10 apps just for you. Just fill out your height, weight and dick size, and you’re good to go.
But what if you’re an overweight, hairy guy, looking for love? Well guess what, there is an app JUST FOR YOU! You too can find love, my big-boned brother—and I might add, you always get the hot guys, and for that I wish I was also a fatty. I always get stuck with the 60 year old drooling men.
How about if, unlike me, you find yourself attracted to much older men (or as we like to call them, Silverdaddies)? Well, you’re in luck, there’s a website just for you too! Have fun changing those adult diapers!
Smooth, skinny and probably not originally blonde? Yup, there’s a place for you to go as well, and I’m not talking about MTV. Twinks (that’s what we call them) unite, you can find your other boney counterparts online, and have a blast talking about Lady Gaga, and tanning, and not eating.
And yes, even if you like to get tied up and spanked, there’s an app where you can find other guys who are also into your kinky little fetishes.
As you can see, there really is something for everyone. Instead of bundling all of us into one giant gay dating app, the people who’ve made these things (I’m pretty sure they are wizards) have given us the choice to filter out what we don’t want to find, so as not to waste any more time than is necessary—which is ironic, because I find myself wasting ALL of my time on these damn applications. They’re worse than Angry Birds.
Now, if only they could create an app for gay men who aren’t just looking to hook up, who want to go on real dates and get to know real people.
Oh, I just checked. They’ve got one of those too.
It’s not very popular.