A Woman’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… I’m Dating In a New City

  • Posted on: August 24th, 2011 by

By Taylor Cast

When I moved to New York I was so done with dating men in Southern California. The vein Hollywood men, the childish Orange County guys, no thank you! I was through with it. I was often saying that the best men I met always seemed to be from the east coast so it was great that I was heading east! Well I ate my words. Men are men no matter where you go. A jerk is a jerk and a good man is a good man, geography doesn’t matter.

The biggest difference is that the majority of the men I dated in LA had some connection to the entertainment industry and in NY everyone seems to work in finance. Finance is boring to me mainly because I am so bad at it. But men who can talk about things other than their job fascinate me. In NY I have found that the men here don’t seem to have time to waste or at least they date that way. There is a lot of “cutting to the chase”. For example a man said to me “I want to see you naked or I want to be friends but we aren’t going to date. What’ll it be?” It’ll be GOODBYE! In LA they played more games, never said what they really meant and the disappearing act was the go to move. In NY, I meet more men organically because you are not in your car in traffic all the time. Which is a refreshing change and the subway flirting is nice.

The last guy I dated in CA before I moved owned a bar. He was all about name dropping. “This actor comes to my bar.” or “I met this producer.” Yawn. In New York I find that it is more about spending money to impress. “I paid X amount for my apartment.” “I spend X amount weekly on dinners.” Barf. None of that impresses me. I’m impressed with a man who has character, who does what he says and is respectful. I have felt somewhat overwhelmed by the move to a new city but dating; I didn’t skip a beat. I had a date the second night I was here. Getting a date has never been an issue for me ever. It’s the relationship part that is tricky for me.

I often feel discouraged when it comes to dating. It’s like that Charlotte moment from Sex and the City, “I’ve been dating since I was 15! Where is he?” Well I’ve dated in California since I was 13 and in New York for the last 7 months and I’m starting to think he is in Europe or Canada!

The important thing when dating in a new city is not to get caught up with finding a relationship. Soak up the city! Get to know it. Explore. Moving is so exhausting and instead of giving myself time to adapt I jumped into the deep end of the pool and had three dates before I had even lived in New York for a week. I am not exaggerating. In retrospect I should have put more energy into settling in and exploring the city. But hey no regrets right. I am perfectly at home now and the dating is still well exhausting.

The best advice I can give about dating in a new city is online dating is your best bet. Once you are more established you’ll meet people but at first the dating sites are your greatest ally.




  • Colleen

    Great article, and so painfully true.  I’m also sad to report that the guys here in Canada (Vancouver, in my experience) are no different than those you’ve encountered in either CA or NYC, and I’ve been dating here for 22 years.  Le Sigh.
    http://www.beanthinking.ca 

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Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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