A Woman’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… I’m Staying in a Bad Relationship

  • Posted on: December 26th, 2011 by

By Caitlin Thornton

There are times when you consider breaking up and the resolution seems obvious: You squirm when he leans in for a kiss, are suddenly irked when he speaks, and you can’t really explain it, but there’s just a distance that comes between you, and it’s not really worth the effort to build the bridge that’ll bring you two back together. You’ve fallen out of love. You need to cut the cord.

Then, of course, there are the relationships where the words, “You should end it” linger in your head—and so do the “ifs” and the “buts.” If only he’d change; but the timing doesn’t seem right; it’s great when physically together, but totally hellish when we’re apart; if I changed a little, would he make more of an effort to keep me?

Enter the less-than-stellar relationship. It could be lovey-dovey or envy-filled, brimming with passion or require finding fulfillment by flirting with strangers. Or it could just be annoying as hell. Despite the circumstances, it’s always on your mind—and not necessarily in a good way.

Oh, Zeus. So fine—my last relationship was unhealthy as a XXL Giant Stuffed Burrito from Taco Bell (so good). Trying to beat around the bush and talk about this in an overarching manner is only inciting the craving for a cocktail (and maybe Taco Bell?). The fact of the matter is my most recent boyfriend of yesteryear was the WORST. I thought we should break up every damn week and I swear it gave me some serious complexes.

But the man was charming as hell and we shared great times a-many. If I lost all self-respect and inhibition (aka, if I was wasted beyond belief) right now, I’d totally jump his German back. He asked me to come with him to Europe earlier this month, and I sort of actually considered before saying no. Then, he took another woman with him instead (yeah, he’s that kind of guy).

So, what inevitably became the determining factor for splitting up and acting aloof as opposed to sucking it up, sticking it out, and making sweet, hot love once in a while (let’s not kid ourselves, it was all the time)? Ultimately, it came down to numbers.

As I’ve been known to despise math and believe everything has some abstract, existential answer, let me reassure you I’m the least likely person to quantify anything, let alone a human relationship. But if you’re spending more time feeling like ultimate shit than you are feeling good about you and your S.O. (and no, even the most blissful days do not count for two days), then you need to, in the words of one dear friend, “cut it out.”

Yes, it’ll hurt. You’ll feel as if you raged for 24 hours, blown a bag of awesome coke, and then have the obligation of sitting at your drab office desk and pretending like everything’s OK, and trying to look awake and coherent. In the end, you’ll survive, realize you may have a bit of a problem (i.e. feeling drawn to things that aren’t necessarily the best for you) and take the initiative to readjust your view of the world to become a more self-realized person. Then, you’ll spend time doing the thing that makes you the happiest—literally.

  • Jasonsalmon

    maybe the problem is that he is married?

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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