I’m 25 and been meeting a lot of men on the online dating sites just for random hook-ups. I’m starting to feel like it’s an addiction, could it be?
Hooked on the hook-up?
You have?!? What websites are you on?!? Every date I’ve ever gone on from a website has been an unmitigated disaster. Most recently, there was the English teacher who wanted to be in the CIA because he liked shooting. That was worrisome. When he walked me to my car after our dinner I was so terrified he was trying to memorize my license plate numbers that I was too distracted to notice he was going in for an unwelcome on-the-mouth kiss. I barely escaped with a saliva drenched cheek, just dodging his quivering, gushy lips.
After him, I met a gentleman who waited less than ten minutes before asking if he could masturbate while I watched. I waited less than 5 seconds before running away.
And then a squat fellow with follicles at low tide who became so enamored despite my lack of interest that he went into full on stalker-mode, calling and texting constantly. I’d gracefully declined with an “I’m just not ready for a commitment. It’s not you, it’s me. Thanks but no thanks,” at least a dozen times but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. After my hundredth refusal, when he was angry and I was fed up, this is what was written between us, verbatim…
Him: “You’re a cunt.”
Me: “And you’re a loser. At least people want to fuck a cunt. No one wants to fuck a loser.”
I remember, I typed it as quickly as possible so I wouldn’t lose the thought. He wrote back immediately saying something I deleted. Didn’t he get it? There’s nothing to say after that. Game over. Case closed. Put that one on your tombstone, Chachi!
Look, you’re 25; this is the time of your life when you should be having fun, tearing it up and getting more ass than a toilet seat. I say enjoy it, be safe and keep your eyes and heart open for someone worth settling down with…when you’re a little older.
Get some for me!