I have a terrific new relationship with a girl that in every way seems too good to be true. However we have hit a huge bump in that she now posts everything about us on her various social media accounts, Twitter, Facebook and Foursquare. I’ve asked her to stop and she says it’s fun, and doesn’t really matter. It matters to me. How do I get her to stop?
My life on Facebook
Dear Social Media Martyr,
I’m not going to sugar coat this, okay. Listen to me when I holler: WARNING! WARNING! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!!
I get it; we live in an age where nothing really happened unless you can post a photo of it on Instagram and Yelp about it later. But certain things, like a burgeoning relationship, really need to be held sacred, especially if those minute-by-minute reports of minutiae make either of you uncomfortable.
The unshakably disconcerting question rattling through my brain is: Why is this girl so desperate to vomit your intimacies into the internet ether? Who does she want to make sure knows that she’s, like, totally in, like, the most amazing love with the most awesomest guy of forever and always and having THE BEST TIME EVER!?!? It seems unfortunately calculated and showy.
One of my close college friends “took time off” from her boyfriend recently. The premise of their hiatus was that he still wants to do crazy things like climb mountains and dive with sharks while she wants to get married and have kids. So she gave him “space” to figure out his priorities with the understanding that, if they got back together, it would be for the long haul. Amicable and with the hope it might be a short-term split, they remained friends on Facebook while she “gave him time to figure out what he wants.”
Then, all of a sudden, she started organizing daily outings to baseball games, plays, wine tastings, etc; making sure to check-in the moment she arrived and posting ultra posed photos the moment she got home just so she could ensure he was well aware that she was fabulous and having the time of her life without him.
Within days he was calling to say how much he missed being with her.
Her plan had worked.
And, yes, it was a plan.
Whether it’s an ex, a girl who was mean to her in high school, a pushy parent who’s desperate for grandkids or just the world in general, this girl is putting on a show of your affections and it’s in terribly poor taste.
Worse yet, what happens if you two breakup? I can just see the tweets and blog posts now, all venomous and thinly veiled, punctuated by Taylor Swift quotes.
Relationships are about the two people in them, not the world getting to observe a mating ritual. Why do you think so many celebrity couples fail? Your time together should be intimate and special, not for show. If she doesn’t stop, I’m afraid this girl might need to be served her walking papers.
Just be sure not to read her tweets and probably best to unfriend her before the Up Yours updates begin.