By Shilo Urban
Do clothes make the man? They can, but more often – clothes make the man look like a chump. Traditionally it has been the female gender that worried most about appearances, but in our image-focused culture, males are no longer exempt from being judged on their style. While women constantly state that they are looking for a charming, confident man with a sense of humor and big… heart, no woman wants to be seen with a guy that looks like a goober.
If you own a private jet and a bank account the size of California, you can wear whatever the hell you want, and most women will not care. But if you are a mere mortal, avoid the following fashion dating disasters to make sure that your date answers the phone when you call her for a second round.
1. Hoodies and cargo pants past the age of 40. 30s is pushing it for sure, but if you are over the age of 40, you should not be wearing a hooded sweatshirt or cargo pants out in public, much less on a date. Wearing too-young clothes gives off the appearance that you are an immature man-child who spends his time playing video games, taking bong rips and looking at online porn – just what every woman wants! Step up your game and watch the glances of approval come your way.
2. Flip-flops. Are you on a tropical island? Then flip-flops for dinner are fine. Otherwise, save the toe cleavage for another time. No one wants to see hairy man feet on a dinner date when they are trying to eat. Male sandals in general should not see the light of day on a date that is not at the beach or pool, and if you think socks worn with sandals makes them acceptable footwear – then you need to move to Seattle.
3. Overtan. Too-tan skin the color of an overcooked orange cupcake only impresses girls of the Snooki variety. If you’re after a girl that doesn’t wear underpants and doesn’t care who knows it, then by all means, spray tan until you can’t spray tan anymore. Otherwise, lay off the artificial orange skin color. A bit of bronze makes you look healthy, but any more than that and you’ll seem like the type of guy that stares at himself in the mirror for hours and hours.
4. Messy clothes. ZZ Top said it best: Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man. Arriving for your date wearing a clean, pressed shirt and snazzy outfit shows the lady that you actually care about making a good impression with her. If you are going to wear a wrinkled shirt, dirty jacket and holey jeans that you picked up off the floor of your bedroom, you may just not want to show up at all.
5. Pleated khakis and a polo shirt. The unofficial uniform of dweebs, clueless dads, pervy youth group leaders and balding guys stuck in a time warp from the early 90s, pleated khakis paired with a polo shirt give off an asexual vibe that screams, “I haven’t seen a woman naked in years.” Drop the douchebag look in favor of a crisp button-down shirt and dark jeans – an easy style than even a moron can pull off.