When a first date is going well, it seems like magic is in the air. We’ve all been on so many “meh” first dates – or even worse – that a good one can make you feel giddy and flushed. Great first dates usually get extended – sometimes to have coffee or ice cream, but
often to another bar. After another few drinks, that magic feeling easily turns into a tidal wave of lust. Do you give in?
Most males would probably agree that sex on the first date isn’t just okay – it’s absolutely fantastic. First date sex is the stuff teenage boys’ dreams and porn videos are made of: maximum return with minimal effort. And every grown man still has a teenager lurking somewhere inside of him.
For women, it’s a big more complicated. Throughout human history, sex has always been a much riskier affair for females – possibly leading to pregnancy, death in childbirth, or a dependent mouth to feed for the next two decades. While we can largely control these issues today, women evolved to take sex seriously – and we still do. And don’t forget the powerful cultural message that if you give in and “give it up” on the first date, you will blow your chances of a serious relationship.
So: Is sex on the first date ever okay?
If you’ve had sex on the first date, first and foremost – don’t be ashamed. At all. You’re just doing what every man wishes he could do. Instead, consider how you felt after the first date sex. It always feels great at the time – but afterwards, more complex emotions may arise.
Did you feel empowered, or exposed? Confident or vulnerable and weak? Later on, did you blame the demise of the relationship on the first date sex? Or did you chalk it up to the fact that most relationships crumble – first date sex or not?
First date sex is a trade-off, and only you can decide if you want to make the trade. You’re getting an incredibly passionate experience of human connection that makes you feel alive – but later, there’s a decent chance that the relationship may not evolve the way you want it to. Can you handle the discomfort you may experience in the future if he dates you a few more times and then drops you, or simply ghosts forever after that first date?
If you’ve had sex, your discomfort at the demise of the relationship will be amplified. Know that you are most likely making a trade: pleasure now for a little more discomfort later – and decide whether the night is worth it or not.
Let’s face it: if you’re a woman, you’re probably never going to wish you had sex on the first date when you didn’t. But if you did – don’t be ashamed. You’re a grown ass woman who made a trade. If you didn’t like the deal that you received, next time – give yourself a two-cocktail limit.