There was a guy that I dated 3 years ago. I know that there is no future with him, however I still think about him daily. Is there a way to completely erase him from my mind?
Still on my mind
Dear Mind Stuck,
Ahhhh, the universal desire for a real Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Don’t we all wish we could eradicate the part of our brain that stores the memories of all those warm cuddles, inside jokes, tender kisses, and wild adventures?
Did I just make it worse?
You need to face up to the ice-cold truth that is this: Your mind is playing tricks on you, dawg.
Do you know why women decide to have second or third or twelfth babies, despite the first hand knowledge of what it feels like to poop a misshapen watermelon out of their lady gardens?
Because human minds, male and female alike, are devious little bastards designed to remind us of the good stuff, not the bad. That’s how we’re able to get out of bed day after day.
For the life of me, when I try to recall an ex’s morning breath, or dumb jokes, or lame sex moves, I can’t. I dated a guy I fought with constantly, but when I think of him I remember how he used to nuzzle me like a puppy dog. That is not the truth of our relationship and my rational mind is aware of it; but my wily, emotional, nostalgic side always gets the better of me.
Plenty of people will tell you the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But even when you’ve moved on, even when you’re married, happily, there will always be wistful moments of “Mmmm, remember when?”
My advice wouldn’t be to try and forget or erase him; it would be to embrace what you had, think of it fondly from time to time, and then let it go like you’re Elsa in your ice castle.
There’s a reason you broke up, be it his inability to commit or any other litany of justifications as to why it didn’t work. Be grateful for what you had when you had it, but go find something better, something that isn’t just great as a memory but actually wonderful in the present.
You can do it!