Sasha Speaks: Answering Your Most Private Dating Questions — Online Sex Only?

  • Posted on: April 9th, 2012 by

Dear Sasha,
I am newly single after living with my ex for 3 years. He didn’t want to get married so I figured, since I do, and also want kids, that I needed to end the relationship, and to find a man that wants the same in life. Problem is, all the men that I’m meeting online seem to just want sex. I work a full time job, and making time to date is a challenge. Is there something that I’m doing to attract this kind of online “sex”
only energy.

Sincerely,
Newly Single
<

Dear Newly Single-
Let me begin by saying, good for you! A lot of women like to believe they can change their significant others and end up wasting years in relationships where their partner is quite clear that he doesn’t want major things you want, like settling down and starting a family. I applaud you for having the strength to walk away after three years in search for something that fulfills all of your needs and desires.

But now for the tough love.

I hate to tell you this, sweet pea, but pretty much every man on earth just wants to have sex. Some are simply better at hiding it than others.

One of the problems with online dating is it removes a lot of mystique from the courtship process. Everyone knows why they’re on a dating site: to date. Or, in your case, find The One, and in some men’s cases, to find women so anxious to find The One that they’ll bone a whole lot of frogs to get there.

In recent years, a certain letchy breed of man realized that dating sites make getting laid shooting fish in a barrel. Here is a stockpile of unattached women they can browse through like it’s the new J. Crew catalog and rather than face the possible rejection of one on one interaction, all they have to do is fire off an email and see what sticks.

You, my dear, are obviously a smart cookie, so their too-friendly advances will undoubtedly meet a roadblock. When you get a message of that nature, just ignore it. Even taking three minute to write back is too much of your precious time. Laugh it off and move on.

If you want to safeguard against getting those messages in the first place, here’s what you should do:

If there are any photos of you bikini-clad or in any attire that’s flammable, take them down. If there are any photos of you in Vegas or a nightclub, take them down. If there are any photos of you with a drink in your hand, take them down. You don’t want to project an image of wild or loose and people draw fast conclusions.

Now comes the hard part:

On your profile, make it painfully clear what you’re looking for. This can be difficult or embarrassing, we all what to be that laidback, easy going girl who’s cool with “seeing where things go” but it doesn’t serve you if what you really want is to go find a husband to make babies with.

Finally, start writing to men who say they’re looking for the long-haul. A friend of mine changed his profile, saying he was only looking for marriage material and, guess what, he got married last month.

Ask for what you want (carefully and precisely) and you just might get it.

Good luck!

-Sasha






About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

I have created this blog and social dating community to turn negative dating experiences into positive ones. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of what the name implies. It was my own life’s multiple combo plate of bad date experiences that inspired me to create this supportive community. In the midst of my own search […]

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