Dear Sasha: Answering Your Most Private Dating Questions –- He’s a COMPLETE Slob?

  • Posted on: September 19th, 2012 by

Dear Sasha,

I recently went out with a guy in his 40’s that I really, really liked on so many levels. On the second date I went back to his place, and it was a COMPLETE mess. To the point that he didn’t even make his bed, and clothing was all over the floor. It was a dating deal breaker for me. Am I being too critical of his living situation, and is this also a reflection of something bigger in his life?

Neat Freak

Dear Neat Freak,

You are preaching to the choir, sister! I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where my father did the majority of the housework. No joke, one of his favorite things in life is laundry. Seriously.

You know how sometimes you’ll try an outfit on and then decide you’d rather wear something else, so you take it off and toss it on the bed rather than put it away? My entire life, if I did that, by the time I got home from wherever I was going, those unused clothes would have been freshly laundered and left folded on my bed. Clean clothes, re-cleaned for the sake of justifying another load of wash. Vacuuming, Windex-ing, dish washing; he loves it all and I became accustomed to men keeping a very clean house.

Needless to say, I have subsequently been appalled by the state of many men’s homes.

For example, my best male friend is a successful 36-year-old lawyer who makes hundreds of thousands a year and owns his own three-bedroom home. But every time I go to his house and dare to open his bedroom door, I find a dangling bare lightbulb, the un-made futon he’s slept on since college, an explosion of crumbled clothes (clean, dirty, who knows?), and a few crusty dishes on the floor.

It’s gross! But, you’re right, it’s also a reflection of something much bigger in his life, namely: his penis.

Studies have shown that women are messier than men when it comes to public bathrooms and workplace desks. My own personal surveys, however, repeatedly prove that men allow their homes to be far dirtier, more disheveled and dorm-room-esque, well into their 30s and 40s.

And that’s why they need a good woman in their life!

Without someone like you or I, how are they supposed to learn the wonders of a Swiffer or a throw pillow? Don’t give up hope on this guy yet. You might be just the thing he needs to realize his house can be a home, one where clothes go in the hamper and the bed is made each time you climb out of it.

Best of luck!

  • Neelysteinberg

    Don’t let this get in the way of what could be a great relationship. If you keep seeing him and determine he’s commitment material, there’s got to be ways for both of you to compromise. Both of you will need to make an effort to come to the middle. 

    Great post!

  • Dirty In Public

    Great advice Jen! I think more than anything else if you’re a neat freak, your dates messy home actually serves as a crystal ball showing your future. Is their messy lifestyle something you can live with in your future life together or will it be a source of ongoing frustration. When broken down it’s all about compatibility and non-negotiables.

  • Ms. Cheevious

    Seriously… dudes need to learn to clean up or spend life alone. Though, I have to step awaaaayyyyy from the computer to make sure I’ve cleaned things up too… it’s a vicious cycle people. Vicioius. 

  • lisajey

    I agree with Sasha… if he’s that dirty, what’s underneath all that mess, but a messed up guy.  

  • Single Dating Diva

    Their cleanliness, or lack of it does say a lot about them. My ex husband used to leave his dirty smelly socks all over the house, including inside the sofa cushions. Gross! 

  • Caitlin Thornton

    OK what I think a messy room REALLY says about a guy: He’s used to his mom picking up after him (kind of like your dad and your laundry, Sasha). So you should consider that if anything were to get serious/real with you two, he’s going to expect you to pick up after him. For me, BIGGEST turn off. This isn’t the ’50s! There are clean dudes out there who won’t anticipate you taking on all the chores. Really.

About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

I have created this blog and social dating community to turn negative dating experiences into positive ones. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of what the name implies. It was my own life’s multiple combo plate of bad date experiences that inspired me to create this supportive community. In the midst of my own search […]

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