Jen's Blog | Dating Community Blog | Bad Online Dates
Jennifer Kelton’s dating community blog dedicated to dating advice and filled with dating humor and dating tips.

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

It’s 5:35 P.M. Five minutes after we were supposed to leave and she’s barely stepping out of the shower? “I’m O.K.,” I think to myself. “Instead of being there 15 minutes early, we’ll be right on time. No big deal.”

It doesn’t matter what the event is, she’s going to be late. Of course, the bigger the function, the longer it takes to get ready. This can work to your favor, or it could backfire. You have to take into consideration the extenuating circumstances of the day. Click here to read more…

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Things are awesome. You’ve been dating for almost a year and you both are happy. You’ve progressed way past the Honeymoon Phase and you each have a pretty solid idea of what the other person is looking for in a mate. In short, life is good.

You’ve been thinking about how much you love her and you are considering asking her to move in with you. A decision like that is sure to make you nervous, but you’re absolutely confident she feels the same way about you, so you’re not too worried about what the answer will be. Click here to read more…

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Getting divorced sucks. Especially when you have kids. My parents were married 46 years when my dad died and being married and sticking it out is what I knew. I married someone who was eventually diagnosed as bi-polar. She stopped taking her medicine when our daughter was five and there was no way I could have her living with our daughter and myself.

There were issues on both sides. It’s never entirely one person’s fault, but the up and down mood swings was too much to handle. What made it really tough on me was that I still had feelings for her. It wasn’t like there were big issues we were fighting about. It was all about her illness and the inability to function properly when she wasn’t taking her medicine.

I loved her, but I couldn’t be with her and that made it hard. Divorce is tough when the two people have zero love for each other, but it may be tougher when one of the couple doesn’t really want it to be over. There was no doubt in my mind that it needed to be over, but I didn’t really want this to be how it ended.

I ended up with full custody of my daughter and did what any good dad would do. I put on a happy face and made the best of the situation publicly, but inside I was a mess. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, yet I constantly second-guessed myself. When my ex took her medicine, everything was great, but I couldn’t force her to take her pill everyday.

Everyone deals with things in a different way. My way was to pull away from my friends and my family. I needed to keep my mind off it, so I started working more hours. By “more hours” I mean “too many hours”. I poured myself into work and internalized everything. When you’re working 70 hours a week and don’t let anything out, you become a time bomb. I ended up in the ER one night with my BP 245/160.

I was alienating myself from the very people I should be turning to and spending more time with. My friends were calling and asking to do things, but I blew them off every time. I was feeling like my life was in complete chaos. There was not a doubt in my mind about doing the right thing for my daughter, but I felt as if I was losing control.

I avoided dealing with my problem by working too much, but the problem didn’t go away. It only grew. My stress and constantly being burned out was affecting my health and my attitude, plus my friends were starting to get irritated and on my case. This sucked.

I don’t care how much you want the divorce or if divorce is the last thing you ever thought about, it’s going to be rough on you. You have to find someone to talk to—a friend, a counselor, the homeless guy at the park. Anyone will do. If you internalize everything you’ll end up in a bed at the ER with a doctor pouring nitro glycerin down your throat as the nurse asks about your living will. That way isn’t pleasant. Take my word for it.

By WisdomIsMisery

After I was presented with this topic I thought it would be a piece of cake to write. I’ve dated all kinds of multicultural and multiracial women; therefore, I have a life time of experiences to draw from, right? Wrong. It wasn’t until I really thought about it that I realized maybe I’m not as indifferent about interracial relationships as I assumed.

After all, I grew up in the suburbs so as far back as I can remember everyone was dating everyone irrespective of race. Then again by today’s standards my youth was filled with crazy occurrences; MC Hammer was rich, our president white and Whitney Houston could still sing just to name a few. I figured, apparently incorrectly, that eventually we would move beyond the need to even converse about interracial relationships.

Ironically, although interracial dating and as a byproduct, interracial marriages have increased over the years it still remains the exception to the rule, only accounting for less than 15% of new marriages. By and large everyone is still marrying everyone of the same race. Instead, the main transition, for some of us anyway, has been the change in our acceptance, attitudes towards and opinions of interracial couples.

I recognize that just because my vision transcends color lines does not mean others see beyond the monochromatic scale. As long as I am never caught in Arizona without my passport, the ramifications should be minimal. Besides, I can’t change the opinions of others but what about myself?

I date women I’m attracted to and whom I think I can be happy with. Based on my dating patterns, these decisions are not dictated by race. However, when I’m out on a date with a Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic or other woman, some times I feel like I receive a stink eye or wrinkled forehead or two more than I would if I was out with a woman of my race.

I wonder if what I think I saw was real or imagined. Does the fact that I’m even concerned prove that I’m not as progressive minded as I pretend? Is it possible that I am only noticing because I’m looking harder for such signs when I’m with these women? If true, does that say as much about me as the person who may or may not have been stink-eyeing me in the first place? These questions are as theoretical as they are rhetorical.

I believe you can be proud of your race or even choose to only date within your race, while being accepting of others decision not to abide by this same belief. One day, this may be the status quo. Some argue, although I disagree, that we’re already at this point. I don’t know if there will ever come a point where we will all become colorblind, hold hands and join in song like the Who’s of Whoville until the hearts of all the racist grinches of the world grow three sizes that day but I also don’t believe that is necessarily a “goal” we need to achieve.

If a silver lining is even needed here, it is the fact that if I am conscious of race, at least I am less concerned with it than my parents, and hopefully, my kids will be less worried than myself. Furthermore, maybe one day introspective blogs about the feelings invoked by interracial dating might be a thing of the past. One day, but not today.

By JR Reed

I found her profile on an online dating site. It was amazing. She was hot. Really hot. Four-alarm fire hot. And funny. Successful too. She was almost too good to be true. I re-read the profile again; just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Nope. Just as amazing as the first time I read it.

I quickly crafted a clever message to her and crossed my fingers as I waited for a reply. With a profile like that I knew she must get dozens (if not hundreds) of messages a day. I was hoping to get a reply, but I wasn’t sure that was even realistic.

She was beautiful and at first glance, wonderful. I was an average looking full-time single dad with a hectic job and a pre-teen daughter. It didn’t seem like a match made in heaven, but I’ve seen stranger things happen. Angelina Jolie married Billy Bob Thornton. If Angelina could marry Billy Bob, I had to believe I had a shot with this woman.

A couple days later my BlackBerry beeped. I had a new e-mail from the dating site and I was beyond excited to see she sent me a message. As I logged on I said a silent prayer. “C’mon God. Hook me up. I totally deserve this.”

“Thanks for the message,” she began. So far so good. “I don’t date guys with kids. Good luck.” I felt like I got junk punched. My heart plummeted into my stomach and I was really bummed. Is this what it felt like to be discriminated against? I didn’t know it was possible to be discriminated against for being a dad. Apparently it is.

I was 40 years old. How many 40-year-old guys have kids? I’m not going to take the time to do in-depth research, but I think its safe to assume that a high percentage of males my age have pro-created. I would also guess that a large number of these men have some sort of regular interaction with their kids.

“Well this sucks,” I thought. I wanted to ask her why, but I needed to take my time and not pop off with a diatribe of four-letter words. I sat and pondered her message for a few moments before sending her a reply.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I wrote. “I’m kind of curious about something. WHY don’t you date guys with kids? Do you find many guys here who don’t have kids? I won’t bother you again, but if you could take a moment to answer my questions I would totally appreciate it.”

This time I figured for sure I would never hear from her, but 15 minutes later I received another message. I opened it and read her response.

“I don’t date guys with kids because I need to be the focal point of a man’s attention. If he has kids, it takes his attention away from me. I deserve to be taken on nice trips and to nice dinners. That won’t happen if someone has kids. As I said before, good luck.”

Wow. I guess I knew people like her existed, but I never thought I would personally encounter one. I’m a single dad and I’m happy to be one. When I got her first message I was sad. After thinking about it for a few minutes I realized it was her loss. Not mine.

She won’t date me because I’m a single dad? No problem. The right one is out there somewhere, and you know what? She’s going to love me BECAUSE I’m a single dad. When single dads find the right woman, we can absolutely find a spot for her in our lives and we will find the time to take them on nice trips and out to nice dinners. Single dads know how to truly love others. Maybe one day she’ll figure that out. But I doubt it.

She’s (My Date) Blatantly Flirting With Other Men in Front of Me

By Patrick Curry

Now when you’re out and about on a date with a cute girl, I’m going to assume that you’re going to aim (or you damn well better if you plan to get anywhere with her) to put your best foot forward: to be funny, to really listen to what she has to say and really learn about her, to ask questions. In short, to really focus all your attention on her. I mean, how do you think she would feel if you were ogling at, salivating over, and cavorting with other women while on your date with her? Click here to read more…

By Patrick Curry

Somehow, someway, somewhere you meet her. Not just her, but Her. Then, you get to know her, and it’s great. Then you fall, really fall for her, and it’s fantastic. Your relationship takes off, all systems go, the months fly by and things couldn’t be better. Colors are brighter, foods tastier, and the whole nine yards. Until, all of a sudden, just like that, out of the blue nowhere, she finds someone else, she blows you off. So, women ask, how does it feel for a guy when he’s blown off?

To give you an honest and blunt opinion, it is a miserable experience. Absolutely miserable. Click here to read more…

By Mark Miller

“Damn You, Foundation of Friendship!”

Get this. At least six different times, I’ve had dates with the same type of woman –  one who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me. She tells me that I will not, in contrast to her sordid past, become the beneficiary of her uninhibited passions. No. With me, things will be different. Rather than her typical rushing into sex, she will hold out – and thus I will have to hold out – until she feels that we have established that all-important…(DRUMROLL)…Foundation of Friendship. Which will make the intimacy all the more special and long-lasting once it occurs. Don’t I agree?

Let me recreate one of these six magical conversations – or, better, monologues – that I’ve experienced. Share my pain:  “Mark, I’m really flattered that you find me attractive enough to want to become intimate. I’m very attracted to you, too. And in the past, it wouldn’t have been unusual for me to jump into bed with a guy on the first, second, or third dates. And, don’t get me wrong – I love sex and am a very passionate and giving lover. I crave sex. Click here to read more…

By Patrick D. Curry

“Could you pass me the keys to the car?” she asks him as she stares directly into his eyes. “But honey, there aren’t any pomegranates on sale,” he responds, as he absentmindedly gazes into the sky.

Click here to read more…