In 2006 I published a book about dating called Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel. Book Link
A man actually did do “that” and in the pre-dawn hours I drove home unknowingly with my friend’s “sticky benefits” stuck to the front of my sweater.
It was this bad-mannered event that inspired my book’s blunt, yet humorous title about human behavior and respect.
Last year “The Sweater Guy” passed away at the age of 40 and while sitting at his standing-room-only memorial, which was being held in a local hotel ballroom, I had a brutal realization that while he was sexy, brilliant and a great lover, he also was beyond-a-doubt a certified functioning drunk; and tragically that’s what killed him.
I’m sorry to open this week’s post as a Debbie Dating Downer.
See Debbie in Action
But after talking with a close friend of mine, the disproportionate drinking habits she mentioned about her current crush sounded eerily familiar to my now dearly departed Sweater Guy; including similar personality details such as, he is smart, educated, well traveled, has a good job with a sharp and quick wit. It all sounded so perfect, I almost had pangs of envy except for hearing about his excessive drinking habits.
This said, as the follow up to last weeks post, Drinking and Dating #1, I thought she would be the ideal woman to talk to on the subject and here is what she had to say:
“The first time we met was at a cocktail party. I noticed that he was pounding back drinks, but in Chicago people drink because of the weather, so the amount he consumed at the time was not a red flag. Now I can see in retrospect that sometimes he would make inappropriate comments to me, (it could have been the alcohol) other than that he was flirty, amusing and funny and behaved fine.
On our first date he had two sakes and three beers – he just likes to party and thinks nothing of it, he loves his alcohol. Most of his friends, also in their 40s, are enablers and I think are a mess because of the amount of drinking.
But I still had an attraction to him and kept an open mind. I dated a man not that long ago who is also a heavy drinker and when I asked him to cut back he did, so I was hopeful about the new guy.
However he would not make plans for a Monday night because he would say that “I will be too hung-over from the weekend.” I remained positive and we went out on other nights of the week. I personally don’t like to drink during the week and on one Wednesday, when I arrived at the bar he had already had had two tall vodka sodas. Later that night while we were fooling around he said, “stop it, no sex.” This became a regular thing with him.”
I then asked my friend if she thought that maybe he had erection issues because of the excessive amounts of smoking and drinking, and “yes,” she did have that thought.
Men and Sex
She then said; “The older I get, it makes me realize I have no interest in dating a frat boy. He actually would say “I’m still a frat boy, I do beer bongs. He was completely serious!”
“A few days ago I heard through mutual friends that the other night he was so sloppy drunk at dinner that he was throwing food at the table.”
“Then a few days later I heard that he and his 70-year-old mother were getting into bar fights at my neighborhood spots. I’m not seeing him anymore, and I’m glad, not sad. His drinking habits taught me not ignore the red flags of life.”
Have any of you ignored major red flags in dating situations because of your own personal hope?