First Kiss Etiquette

  • Posted on: November 28th, 2007 by

I think that kissing can be just as passionate or, depending on the situation, even more intimate than having sex.

Last month three different men moved in for a First Kiss. I was not “dating” any of them and had no future plans to do so. I also wasn’t feeling the frisky vibe on any occasion, with any of these three varied men when I politely declined each of their lip-locking advances.

Based on these recent experiences, I figured it would be a good time write a post about First Kiss Etiquette.

The When, the Where, and the How…

Is there really such a thing as First Kiss Etiquette, or is it best to listen to your own instincts?

First Kiss Etiquette:

The When – At this point in my life and with a healthy amount, ok A LOT, of experiences under my belt, I’ve come to a realization.
While I’m by no means a “rules” type of woman, if I think there could be a future with a new man, I will spend however much time that’s needed on an emotional, spiritual and intellectual level getting to know him before involving my body’s bonding chemicals/hormones, such as Oxcytocin.
There is a saying that “sex can complicate the issue.” Well, in fact there is science behind that statement.
Sex and Bonding

So, for the first few dates, even if mammoth-sized fiery sparks are present, based purely on my knowledge about the female body, I’m going to wait it out and establish a non-physical relationship for a bit.

The Where – For me the location isn’t important because as I said above, the First Kiss can be just as passionate as sex. I had one of my more profound First Kisses in the stall of a women’s bathroom at a crowded hotel bar while we both stood on the toilet seat.

The How – That’s simple, pucker-up and enjoy!

To get a male perspective on this topic, I checked out what had to say. Men and Kissing

I also got the opinion of my go-to guy Eric C. and here are his thoughts:

“Whether we learned from our older siblings or watched a cheesy after school special, we all have a pretty good idea as to how to go about the first kiss. What we struggle with is when. Some think the front door patio at the end of the first night’s date is the appropriate time. Some think patience is the ultimate virtue in this situation; refraining until a friendship connection is established for greater relational longevity. While there is merit to both frames of thought, I believe the most successful couples take a different route.

My experience has taught me how to go about the first kiss isn’t as important as how not to. In short, planning, scheming, or scheduling anything in the early stages of a relationship is a recipe for disaster. This is all too true for the first kiss.

This rationale lies behind a long-term perspective of relationships. When the dust has settled, there won’t be too many moments throughout a couple’s time together that came about unplanned, unexpected, and totally improvised. The first kiss is your opportunity to have just that. The minute you start figuring out when you believe the first kiss is “supposed” to occur, despite the logic behind doing so, you are robbing yourself of the special experience the honeymoon stage of any relationship is supposed to be about.

Bottom line: Go with the flow. Overanalyze all you want for the rest of your time together, but leave the first kiss alone. Whether it’s two weeks into knowing someone or 30 minutes after your body shot at the bar, let it happen. I understand the secure, comforting feeling of having things scheduled and planned out, but you have the rest of your lives to set your relationship itinerary; let this one go.”

While mulling over the ending to this post I asked another guy friend for his thoughts regarding the When, Where and How of First Kiss Etiquette and this is what he said:
“Whenever, Wherever, However.”

What do you think?

  • l.ementary

    Sounds good to me. 🙂

  • The video you found is great for this topic! Personally I have found that if you take your time for the first kiss then it can be much more powerful and enjoyable for the women (just can’t wait too long). 1 it lets them know you’re into them and not just the physical stuff. 2 waiting a little longer can create a good tension so when you do finally make the move she gets all giddy. The ultimate goal is to be different while still being simple, and ultimately make her feel special.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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