Penis Greetings and to all a Good Night

  • Posted on: December 19th, 2007 by

I have an old friend who, unfortunately, I don’t get to talk with regularly. But when we do, it’s always a no-holds-bar conversation that ranges from how our day is to the size of a man’s Tally Whacker.

Based on our friendship, I had no issues talking with her honestly about a man that I recently made-out with (sorry mom and dad, just skip over the next few sentences) and, after hours of memorable and passionate kissing, I saw his noteworthy “porn star penis.” Yes, it was that picture perfect. (Not to be offensive, but he was just that blessed.)

As we continued our detailed conversation about “porn star penis” guy, she spilled a few of her own current sex life details and they pertained to a man that she has been seeing but has only gone a few bases with. This combined with a bit of a “dry spell” has flipped her “Penis Meter/Radar” to the ON position.
Paraphrasing what she said next:

“I’m ready for more action and not just tongue, which is my favorite, but I’m ready for some heart-pounding, down and dirty let’s play hide the sausage, sex.”

The banter progressed and with her permission I recorded what we talked about next as a reference point for this week’s post. Here is a small bite of what we openly discussed.

Me: So do you think that guys check out each other’s packages in the bathroom?

Friend: Yes, I think they do!

And here is what I found out online about Men’s Room Etiquette:

and on a more serious note, well sort of …

I also found out this:

Clearly it’s not in good taste to check each other out…

It was only natural that the next topic would be, does size matter?
We both agreed it did to a certain extent but every situation is different. Here is what ABC late night guy Jimmy Kimmel discovered via hard driving reporting and enormous (literally) wit on the streets of Venice Beach, California.
Very funny, Jimmy Kimmel, Does Size Matter?

My friend then mentioned one guy that she had dated who was six foot something in height, “he was a big guy, worked out in great shape the whole deal, except he had the smallest one I have ever seen. I couldn’t even feel it in me.”

Me: Hey, I think we’ve dated the same guy!

So can you really tell a man’s size by his, height, nose, ears, hands or foot size? In my personal experiences it has been diverse, assorted and frankly all over the map.

Here is what June Machover Reinisch, Ph.D. forthrightly and scientifically has to say on the subject of size:

Me: And what about sex toys?

Friend: One of my first boyfriends pulled out a huge rubber dildo and I had another that could only orgasm if he was using a vibrator on himself as the girl did other things.

While both of us are not into using toys (actually I have never used them, just not my vibe) I did an online search and much to my amazement, discovered that retails sex toys.

I clicked on the link to see what was selling and it was an assorted selection of pleasure-triggering colors, shapes, sizes and some even had remote controls for varied speeds.

With all those shapes, sizes and gratifying features, I became interested in the economics of the sex toy business and while some smaller businesses are making up to $1 million per year, the “Passion Party” business is raking in a whopping $35 million yearly with a sales growth rate of 50 percent annually.
Sex Toy Business

I am by-no-means a prude but when it comes to “toys,” I’m still an old fashioned girl at heart and I won’t be purchasing a Doc Johnson Lucid Dream 32 Squirmy Vibrator in red anytime soon. I still prefer and desire the real McCoy.

Gentleman, just in case you are having a hard time picking out the perfect holiday gift for a special woman that you have been dating, I will now point you in the direction of a celebrated Emmy Award-winning seasonal gift idea from Justin Timberlake and comedian Andy Samberg.
BBC News Emmy Award, Dick in a Box

And the fabulous part is that you can be creatively crafty and make it at home, as seen here in this exceptionally humorous uncensored Saturday Night Live spoof titled: Dick in a Box.
NBC, SNL Must Watch Dick in a Box

Please let me know if you need any holiday wrapping or bow tips!

  • Anonymous

    Excellent blog! Loved it! So funny and so true. Does size matter? I will just say (as a 20’s something female) it certainly can make a difference!! Yes (:

    And there are definitely some penises that look just fabulous. Some guys are just blessed with great looking “dicks” (:

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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