Continued from Thursday….The GQ Magazine survey called, Treat Me Right!
Direct from the mouths of women to men.
*Tell us your ex-girlfriend was brilliant. Or kind, or genuine. But if you bitch about her whining, work ethic, or friends, or otherwise denigrate her when you’re talking to us, who knows what you will say about us when we’re through – and it may be sooner than you think.
*That said, don’t tell us how hot she was.
*There’s a difference between tricking us into sleeping with you and being a person we like. Sure, there may be some decent tips in pickup books like The Game – don’t smell bad, keep your ears clean, etc. – but you should have learned that in junior high, Just know that trying to play a woman like a hand of cards will only get you a woman you can play like a hand of cards.
*If you are going to be late, be charming.
*Yes, you still have to wear a condom. This is probably not something you discuss among yourselves, but we do. And if you’re someone who complains, sulks, or refuses, we won’t have nice things to say about you.
*Send us randy e-mails. Just not to the office.
*Write us a note.
*Rub our feet.
*We have a spot, so find it if you can. (it’s not that hard.) But if you can’t, don’t make a big deal out of it.
*Defend us blindly. To our friends, to our colleagues, to our bitchy sister at Christmas dinner, to your funny-but-kind-of-hurtful buddy. You don’t have to agree with us to take our side. And if we’re spouting crazy, you can talk reason into us during the can ride home.
*Pay attention to us.
While this was just a small portion of the GQ article, I especially like the disclaimer at the end: Every single one of the preceding sixty-one bits of wisdom is useless if she’s just not into you. And redundant if she is.
Hum, come to think of it, I have not had a date in a long time…. I digress.
Anyway, I was talking with a woman that I casually know about her daughter, and dating and how she thinks that the men that her daughter dates don’t do a lot of, “wooing.”
I can say as a woman I like to be “wooed,” not smothered, but to be treated right and with respect, hey don’t we all?
And when I was putting together part 2 of the Glamour Magazine sex survey I remembered reading an article in the April 2008 issue of GQ Magazine that I thought would be a good contrast to the survey that had I just posted, and in this survey the answers are from- “a panel of smart, candid and confident women,” as GQ states in the introduction to the article called Treat Me Right!
And here is just part of what the panel of women told GQ for their survey about how to – “woo her, win her, keep her and make her feel like the sexiest, funniest, most respected, best cared for, greatest women in the universe without losing your sanity, your solvency, or your manhood in the process. A romantic road map for women and by women.”
*If you’re going to ask for our phone number or e-mail address, then be a man and use it.
*The only acceptable response to “Can we split the bill?” is “Absolutely not.”
*Don’t be cocky in bed. We want you to be brash enough to take charge once in a while, but don’t let on that you think you’re rocking our world-particularly when you’re not. We’ll put up with it to your face but we’re calling our girlfriends and laughing at you later.
*When debating whether or not to buy us flowers, the answer is always yes.
*Except when it’s not. When you piss us off (and eventually you will), a heartfelt admission of your total guilt/stupidity/thoughtlessness will go a lot further than the Memorable Moments Bouquet from FTD. (Oh, and never use FTD.)
*As for picking us up at a bar:Do we look like the kind of girl who want to make out in the bathroom?
*Mix us a drink. An empty fridge is okay, but a well stocked bar is critical. There is nothing more transparent than a nightcap invitation without any nightcap.
To be continued…
Continued from Tuesday, the Glamour Magazine survey…
Question:How much cleavage is too much cleavage?
The more the merrier!………55%
Everything in moderation………42%
Somethings are best left to the imagination………3%
Question:How would you feel about being with a woman who makes a lot more money than you do?
It doesn’t matter to me………63%
I’d feel like I won the lottery………27%
I like being the breadwinner………10%
Question:She’s foxy, she’s funny, she’s got a kid do you go there?
Sure. I’m not afraid of complicated situations………68%
No, I want to start my own family from scratch………32%
Question:What’s the most overrated porn Cliche’?
Hot School Girl………14%
Hot Female Boss………6%
None are overrated. They’re all hot!……..32%
Question:Whoops! You get locked in a bedroom at a party with a gorgeous woman you have just met. She wants to have sex with you – without a condom. What do you do?
TURN HER DOWN. Stranger sex with no protection is a bad idea………73%
GO FOR IT……..27%
I did a small survey of my own on this last question and perhaps it’s just the guys I asked, but they all said, “GO FOR IT.”
While I did not conduct this survey the February 2008 issue of Glamor Magazine did…
That being said, here is some more information I found as I read through that pile of old magazines that I mentioned in Monday’s post.
…As seen on the pages of Glamour Magazine.
“25 nosy questions answered by real men. Glamour asked more than 2,000 guys to take a stand on porn, plastic surgery, cheating, cleavage-you know, important stuff! Here, the surprising (in a good way) results. By Julie Stone.”
Nosy or not, I will not be posting the entire article- all 25 questions, but just a handful over the next few days.
Question:Have you ever cried over a woman?
Question:Would you mind if a date checked her messages and e-mail during dinner?
Yes, it would bother me. I want my date focused on me………71%
Nah. Everybody needs to stay connected……….29%
Question:If a women you were newly dating e-mailed or called you every day just to say
hello, how would you react?
I’d be psyched. If she’s excited about me, I want to know……..50%
I’d be wary. Why is she coming on so strong…………43%
I’d be weirded out. That’s entering stalker territory……..7%
Question:Have you ever secretly read your girlfriend’s or wife’s e-mail?
Question:If your girlfriend or wife would never know about it, would you have a one-night stand with a smoking hot stranger?
To be continued on Wednesday.
This weekend I got caught up on a huge stack of magazines, which up until now for better or worse had been sitting untouched, and unread in my kitchen cabinet.
Drew said something extremely profound about what she had learned while making a movie based on Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s best selling book, He’s Just Not That into You for her production company Flower Films.
And here is what Drew had to say in the interview…
“ A women deserves a man that truly loves her, and not one for whom she must make constant excuses.”
The anchor men at Fox News don’t seem to be the only anchors with penis on the their minds…
This is hilarious!
And since I mentioned blow jobs in this mornings post…
This is funny, ahhh, I wonder where this anchor man’s head was literally?
A few days ago I was in traffic, however as a native to this urban city, I’m in traffic a lot! Sitting in traffic is how I pick up men outside of going to the local happy hour spots in my neighborhood.
And when I saw this bumper sticker, it immediately made me think of dating and relationships.
Recently I’ve also had some business situations that made this bumper sticker even more thought provoking… but, lets get back to dating and the bumper sticker’s slogan; You Deserve What You Accept.
Do you think that someone like Nelson Mandela who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 and is now celebrated as an elder statesman and a symbol of freedom sat passively by to become the man he is now?
Or the declaration of Rosa Parks who wouldn’t give up her bus seat for a white person and move to the back of the bus?
It was the action of one woman “not accepting” that sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott, which at that time was one of the largest movements that rallied against racial segregation.
While this is only two examples of “accepting or not,” I think that in dating and love, why would you not also hold this same self respect and voice to what you truly do or don’t want in your life?
So in the end I think that it may just boil down to that, not just in dating but in every aspect of your life, and you know what, if I gave a great blow job to a boyfriend or to someone I’m dating…you know that guy I met while siting in LA traffic, I would accept the same in return.
Continued from Thursday…
Today is the last day I will be posting chapter eight from my book Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel.
I hope that over the past four days these posts about our sense of smell has been informative about how we have evolved over time, and well if nothing else the importance of taking a shower and brushing your teeth!
Has smell ever been a deal breaker?
Have you ever had to tell your partner that he or she smells bad?
Do you notice how people smell in public?
Would you pursue a person you find attractive, even if you didn’t like the way they smelled?
Is smell a deal breaker?
Some studies I read show that women are more attuned to their sense of smell than men, but while I found the sexes to be equally aware of the scents of others, men tended to be more forgiving. For me, no amount of scented commercial product will cover up offensive body odor, but a 23-year-old man I surveyed disagreed. “I would get to know them. If the personality superseded the smell then yes [I would date them]. Smells can be covered, a personality cannot.” His friend added that “maybe she could have just come back from a camping trip.”
One participant shared that he thought younger guys, in a quest for sex, are willing to overlook odor, at least for the night. That showed up in other responses as well, mostly attributed to “beer goggles.”
But is it alcohol, youth or hormones that make them more tolerant? As I have looked back on my own history with smell in relationships, I must admit I dated some stinky men in my early to mid 20s. There was the guy from Colorado, a few musician guys, the rock star guy, and more than a couple of dirty skater boys. Bottom line: they stunk. They had b.o., but back then, I was totally okay with that.
Recently, I got a booty-text-message from a friend with whom I had a brief fling a few months ago. We just fooled around a bit, but the next day, his b.o. remained in my bed, on my freshly washed, clean, white sheets. It was a Wednesday, and I normally do my laundry on Sunday. I didn’t want to wash the sheets, but I had to, because I knew the b.o. smell would get stuck on me, and I would have to shower every morning before I went on with my day.
When I got his recent text message, all I could think was “I don’t want to wash the sheets.” But in my 20s, I would shower, but I don’t think I ever washed the sheets after b.o. boys spent the night. Is there something that changes? As we get older, do we become more discerning, more aware of what we like and don’t like; or do we just become smell snobs?
The deal breaker question made an interesting divide across age lines. While the 20s age group and folks in their 50s and 60s were split evenly on whether or not smell would cause them to end a relationship, middle-aged people were much more decisive. Seventy-five percent of 40-somethings and seventy-four percent of 30-somethings said that smell would be a deal breaker.
A woman I surveyed in her 50s, who owns her own perfume company, says that, even in her business, she “would not just be judgmental of smell or looks. It is more important what is on the inside of a person not on the outside.”
A 62 year old gentleman I spoke with also claimed smell played no part in attraction for him. But when we came to the last question, he said something profound: “If there was a strong attraction, I think the smell may be okay.” In other words, you won’t even be attracted to someone whose smell you don’t like.
Maybe we turn into smell snobs, maybe we don’t; but there is no denying that scent plays a major role in human attraction. Just as smell can evoke powerful memories, it can trigger a connection between primitively compatible people. Dr. Fisher tells us, “We each have a personal ‘odor print’ as distinctive as our voice, our hands and our intellect,” another mystery of nature, that can be acknowledged, but never fully explained.
Continued from Wednesday…
Chapter Eight from my book Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel.
If your smell is offensive to others, or you just do not have a basic chemical fit with other people, they may not respond to you. That in mind, it seems that good hygiene ranks high on the priority scale—that includes washing your body and caring for your choppers. Drenching yourself in manufactured fragrance may act as a band-aid, but ultimately nature will prevail. Even if you are beautiful, a great communicator and are flexible with others, at some point you still have to shower, brush and floss!
Plainly and simply, attraction comes down to having a good chemical fit with another human being. In The Natural History of the Senses,“ Diane Ackerman states, “Among far-flung tribes in a number of countries – Borneo, on the Gambia River in West Africa, in Burma, in Siberia, in India – the word “kiss” means “smell”; a kiss is really a prolonged smelling of one’s beloved, relative or friend.” As easily as it can repel, scent can bring people together.
Armed with this new knowledge and a sense of empowerment in my special olfactory capabilities, I began to discover that others reacted as strongly to smell as I do. A waitress at a restaurant I frequent told me that she has a hard time handling all the smells she encounters, especially at work. From the people to the food, she is often overwhelmed.
On a plane, I was seated next to a man who shared my sensitivity to perfume. We both turned our overhead air vents toward an overly scented woman in front of us to divert the smell. The flight attendant told us we couldn’t point them at other passengers. We both told her that “the woman’s perfume smell is making us sick,” She left us to our devices after that.
Even psychology professionals agree that smell is a crucial part of interpersonal relationships. “Marriage counselors say that a (top) complaint from women who want to end a relationship is, ‘I can’t stand his smell.'”
With this survey, I have done my best to represent a broad spectrum of people with ages ranging from 19 to 62 years old; an equal balance of men and women; and varied socio-economic status. My goal was to open a wider dialogue about a subject that is under-discussed; and I wanted to know just how many people shared similar smell sensitivity.
I was amazed at how little people think about the connection between their senses and all that goes on around us: the connection we have with the elements and each other. But when pointed out to them, all of my respondents were enthusiastic about sharing with me their olfactory thoughts and impressions (though three young men in business suits thought it was the best pick up line they’d ever heard).
To be continued…