By Juliette McGough
Listen up men. Hawaiian shirts have never been cool. And if you are trying to impress a woman on a date do not, I repeat, do not wear one. Not only will a Hawaiian shirt age a man ten years (and place him into friend territory) but it also disqualifies him from any decent restaurants in the area. If he plans on taking his date to a less than average establishment, then he and his Hawaiian shirt will fit in just fine with the crowd at Burger King.
If you are reading this and you started thinking about your Hawaiian shirt hanging in the back of your closet, don’t be afraid, you are not alone. There are way too many Hawaiian shirts out there haunting bad dates all over the nation. Your best bet would be to burn that shirt in hopes that your lady friend never even knew you had it. Or maybe you could donate the shirt to a better cause, such as The Palm Tree Growers of America or the Pina Colada Factory Workers Foundation.
There are few occasions where a Hawaiian shirt is acceptable:
1. At a Luau in Hawaii
2. On a golf course in Hawaii
3. At a Jimmy Buffet concert
4. on a date in Arkansas because well, its probably the classiest shirt the guy owns
Those four occasions are the only times where a man is allowed to walk out of the house in a Hawaiian shirt. However, I’m sure Lady Gaga could somehow wear a Hawaiian shirt with a pineapple hat and fashion designers, who would normally cringe at the Hawaiian motif, would call her outfit art.
Think about the last time you saw a Hawaiian shirt on a man. Was he slightly overweight? Did he have a cocktail in his hand? Was he floating in a pool or wearing water wings? Was he shopping in the aisles of Walmart? Are these some of the impressions you want your date to think about you? No woman looks at a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and says, “Ooo, he’s tropical and well traveled.”