True Story from Jessica Downey — The Baby Maker
I went on a date a couple of years ago with this guy I met online. I had known him for a little while and we had been out once before. We met for dinner at a place near where I lived. When he showed up he looked a lot different than I had remembered. It was winter in Chicago and he was getting ready to go on a trip to California so he had been tanning. He was like a quarter of a shade away from being an orange oompa loompa.
We are talking beyond Jersey Shore here. He had also decided to shave his head and was wearing this god awful blue and green sweater, think Bill Cosby from the 80s. Anyway, we had dinner which wasn’t all that bad, but then towards the end of dinner he started talking a lot about babies and settling down. He had been thinking for a while and realized that he was approaching 31 which, to him, is apparently the cut off age for making babies. So he decided that it was time that he should have one. Then he looked at me like he was actually putting the offer out on the table and wanted some sort of response from me. When I didn’t really give him anything other than a little pat on the pack and a “good for you buddy”, he seemed frustrated. Then he went on to explain how he was thinking maybe we could have one (as if I didn’t already get that was where he was going with the conversation). He also thought maybe we could start working on it later that evening. I wasn’t sure if he was just trying to have sex with me or legitimately asking me for a baby. However, I had to respectfully decline and I also declined a third date when he called me a couple of weeks later.