Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: Dating a Player

  • Posted on: November 18th, 2010 by

By Jack Elliot

He’s suave, debonair, smooth, charming. He’s a regular ladies’ man. You know the type. His reputation precedes him. He turns heads. He’s the pretty boy with the trademark smile, the perfect hair. Every time he’s at the bar, it seems that he has a new woman, a new victim on his arm, whose about to be wined and dined. He’ll use all his trademark tricks; he’ll be witty, alluring, sexy. By the end of the night, as he nonchalantly suggests that they go back to his place, she won’t even know what hit her. And tomorrow it’ll be the exact same song and dance, but with a new woman hanging off his arm. He’s a player.

So where do these contemporary Casanovas, these lustful Lotharios, come from? Where do they learn their tricks? Are they inherent? Are they practiced in front of a mirror? Have they been passed on through the centuries by secret player societies?

Instead of their mysterious origins and tactics, what really needs to be discussed about players is their dating style, and how you- women of all types- should avoid being that new girl hanging off his arm and having him buy you drinks. Because when it comes to players, they know what they want: to get into your pants for one night, and one night only.

From what I’ve heard and witnessed, it seems quite easy for women to think that they’ll be able to be the one to change the player, to make him quit his games for her, to harness him. But unfortunately, all too often I’ll hear the laments of many a woman who has fallen into this pitfall- who thought she could be “the one” to change him, only to end up being used for one night. Chances are, he probably doesn’t want to be changed. In fact, he very well could be afraid of it.

To others, “the player” type seems to be leading a fantasy lifestyle, full of almost unlimited women, no commitment, no repercussions, no guilt, and great sex. In essence, the life of a rock star. But is this really the case? Is the lifestyle of a player all that it’s cracked up to be? Or are there some downsides to being a serial seducer? At least to me, it seems that this sort of a lifestyle would begin to get old after awhile. I’m sure the sex would be fun, but how long could this lifestyle go one for? How long can a player keep it up? Eventually, someway and somehow, unless he’s totally heartless, he’s got to feel a desire for something more than just repetitive noncommittal sex, a desire for change. And perhaps the day will come when this change will occur. Most likely though, this day won’t happen anytime soon. So if I were you, I’d just let the player go, and in the meantime, chat up that nice guy sitting to your left.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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