A Woman’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… I’ve Been Dumped for Another Woman

  • Posted on: January 4th, 2011 by

How (Awesome) I (in No Way) Felt When He Blew Me Off for Another Girl

By Dani Katz

Blown off for another girl – younger, prettier, thinner – the reasons are irrelevant, it smarts just the same whether she’s slutty, stupid, stacked or successful. It’s tempting to compare – like, really tempting – and to tally up all the reasons why I’m a better woman, or to beat myself up for not being good enough, but the truth of the matter is – he didn’t blow me off for her. In fact, none of ‘em have blown any of us off for another girl, ever.

That’s just a story we concoct so that we can feel sorry for ourselves, and collect a big batch of attention to soothe the sting of our relationship’s inevitable end. Because they all end – whether it’s death that does us part, or the imagined allure of a curvy redhead who laughs like a hyena, our every romance will, at some point, dissolve.

Four years into my last big bout of monogamy, the Swedish Playboy posing as my boyfriend had a tryst with an actress – a pretty blonde who was my polar opposite every which way and then some, what with her tiny WASPy waist, her fair skin, and her wide-eyed, soft-spoken sweetness. I took the low road, branded her a tarty slut, and hated her for years synchronistically colored by an overwhelming handful of chance run-ins.

Two years later, she’s still his main squeeze and, on this end of the ordeal, I actually like her. She’s clearly a better match for him than I was. He didn’t leave me for her, he left because of what I wasn’t giving him, which she just so happened to have in spades. The reality is our relationship was on the rocks and full of holes, and that’s why we fell apart. That another woman slipped into our mess before we were officially finished is merely a convenient way for me to avoid responsibility for my part of our crummy dynamic, and to point the finger and justify the drama of my woman scorned role.

Throughout the years, there have been plenty of others who’ve slipped away under the auspices of opting for another woman. There was the astrologer (Scorpio) who hooked up with a yogi named “Honey Pot” at the Harmony Festival, and the acupuncturist who avoided me for weeks and then showed up on my Facebook news feed arm-in-arm with an equine-loving trust fund baby (lesson learned: hide your lovers, or don’t friend them at all). But, the truth is that if we were meant to be, we would have been, bendy animal-loving distractions, or not. Still, the splits hurt, and the ouches are only exacerbated when I know that “my” man’s cuddled up in the arms of another – but, it’s just a ruse, and to keep my focus on her only drags out the ouch of unbonding.

These days, I look at it this way: if he transitions away from me by way of another woman, then that’s one less despondent ex-lover bumming out the planet, and given the chaos that’s currently coloring our world, I can only really be grateful.

  • Reading this was like a breath of fresh air after getting off the Red Line at 4 pm on a hot summer day. On behalf of all men everywhere, THANK YOU.

  • Wow. I love this post. YES we need to be more self-aware of our own part in the demise of things, or the problems of things, and we can’t just hate the other woman (9 out of 10 she really doesn’t deserve our animosity.) YES we need to be better at moving on and seeing reality and LETTING GO.

    However. I am conflicted, as well. First, I am becoming very conscious of woman blaming themselves for things. I realize you may be being very truthful here and self-aware, and it is a fine line that we walk – e.g. sometimes she really does give him something you don’t/he’s not that into you… and sometimes? He just got restless. Or something. Not saying that happened here, but often we do go looking for our faults that caused things when maybe… you did nothing wrong. Just sayin.

    Second, and more importantly in my opinion, it’s never ok to start something new when you’re still with another person. There are clearly reasons why the two of you should have been over, but that does not excuse the behavior of cheating on you. What, we can’t wait long enough to end things first? What, we can’t man up and deal with the aftermath of an ending, show a lil compassion and respect, before jumping into the next bed?

    Hey – just my opinion. Things I’d add. In general – love the attitude. We need more of it. 😀

  • There is an article written by Ann Marsh for The Oprah Magazine http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Love-Lessons-from-a-Serial-Dater/type/text which we highly recommend reading before your next date. There are many articles written about dating these days that portray rejection, or the end of a relationship, as a bad thing – not necessarily true. Dating is a learning experience for both people and in addition to learning more about yourself, sometimes you learn it’s better to just move on.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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