A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Wants to Get Married and I Don’t

  • Posted on: April 13th, 2011 by

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Things are awesome. You’ve been dating for almost a year and you both are happy. You’ve progressed way past the Honeymoon Phase and you each have a pretty solid idea of what the other person is looking for in a mate. In short, life is good.

You’ve been thinking about how much you love her and you are considering asking her to move in with you. A decision like that is sure to make you nervous, but you’re absolutely confident she feels the same way about you, so you’re not too worried about what the answer will be.

Tonight is going to be the night you ask her to move in with you. After work you head home to take a quick shower and change your clothes. You want to be fresh and clean for this moment. While in the shower, you may want to take a quick peek and see if there’s any manscaping that needs to be done. Chances are pretty good this night will end in the morning, so you want to look your absolute best.

After picking her up, you head to your favorite joint for some food, a drink or two and to find out if all this nervousness was in vain. She looks beautiful (as always) and after ordering your food, you reach across the table, take her hand and tell her you have something you want to ask her.

The nervousness is welling up inside you and is about to overflow. She has a very excited look on her face, which probably makes you even more nervous. You gaze at her smiling face and say, “Baby. I love you very much and I want to take “us” to the next level. Sweetheart…will you move in with me?”

You expect a squeal, but you’re met with silence and a look of disappointment. “You want me to move in with you?” She asks. “Is this before or after the wedding?”

The wedding? Yeah. Dude, you should have seen that one coming a mile away. Over the past few months she’s made references about “building a life together” and as a guy you thought moving in was the frame that life together would be built on. In your mind, the wedding would come later. You thought wrong, bro. Really, really wrong.

Why is it that in most cases, they’re ready to tie the knot before we are? The unfortunate reality is there is no cut and dry answer to this question. Yeah, there’s a lot to be said for maternal instinct, nesting and all that, but I think it’s different for every couple.

This is a tough call, but it’s one that needs to be handled with honesty and candor. You need to feel comfortable enough telling her your plans. If you can’t be comfortable talking with her about this, then the relationship probably isn’t ready to move to that next step.

You have to remember that a relationship is a partnership and partners need to talk in order to be on the same page. You need to tell her why you feel this way, not simply how you feel. She needs to know why you feel the way you feel. When you’re done explaining your feelings, zip your mouth and listen to her. Listening and making her understand you care are keys to making this work.

Let her know that you want to get married, but you don’t want to lose her. Let her know she means the world to you and tell her why. If you handle this right, the night should still end on a positive note and your manscaping will not have gone to waste.

  • We’ve been happily unmarried now for nearly 6 years, and we still haz awesome sex. I say, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. -a girl.

  • So true. Communication is the key. It’s the only way you’ll know if you’re on the same page or not. You know what they say about assuming. 🙂

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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