Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — Hooters Date

  • Posted on: April 2nd, 2011 by

By Thesinglemomsdatingdiary

I was instantly attracted to the clean cut man in the photo with the short brown hair and the navy polo shirt His smile seemed friendly and made his brown eyes shine. Although his nickname on the site was Farmboy09, he seemed smart and his screenname poked fun at his rural home.

His profile was simple and hinted at romance and the sincere hope of finding love. The one drawback was that he lived an hour’s drive from me, definitely a minus. However, I decided to keep an open mind about it.

I was excited to open his introductory email; it was complimentary, sweet and made me want to get to know him. I sent back a cheery email but mentioned my hesitation about the distance. He sent back a quick reply about how he has family nearby and he comes here regularly. He gave me his number and said he’d love to talk to me. His approachable face, easy smile and his kind words flashed into my mind before dialing him.

We talked easily for about 30 minutes. He talked about how he likes to bring home flowers or draw a bubble bath to be romantic and he seemed sweet. The conversation went well and when he asked me out for the upcoming Saturday I said yes. He suggested we meet for a drink and then go from there.

We kept in touch for the rest of the week, several times a day. The excitement built all week and I went shopping for something new to wear. I chose a cute ivory angora sweater that was sexy but not too revealing.

He insisted on driving to my area, instead of us meeting in the middle somewhere. He suggested a nearby Hooters because he didn’t know many places around me. I questioned whether my Prince Charming would take me to Hooters on a first date but it was just a starting point for the night, at least that’s what I told myself.

I did more primping than usual, I applied my makeup very carefully and straightened my hair. I wore the ivory sweater, jeans, and simple jewelry. It was a casual look but I was dressed nicely enough that if we went somewhere else, I could fit in too.
When I left, I texted him telling him I was on my way. It was odd getting a text back that said he was already there and had a table. He told me to look for him in the back corner under the Bud Light sign. When I went inside, it was like a circus, there were UFC fights on and the place was packed.

I saw a man with a mullet under the sign and was hoping that it wasn’t him, when he waved at me my hopes were dashed. I walked over and he hugged me eagerly and it was extremely awkward. He reeked of beer and there were two empty glasses on the table. He wore jeans, work boots, and a black UFC shirt. He resembled the photo on the dating site, but just barely.

After I sat down our waitress came over with a fresh beer for Farmboy09 and I also ordered one. From the annoyed expression she flashed me, I guessed that he hit on her before I arrived. I tried to figure out how long he’d been there but it was obvious he had several beers. He was slurring his words and screaming at the fights. The only conversation was during commercials and I was getting irritated. I’m not sure he really noticed or cared.

We ordered food and he downed greasy wings and beers to wash them down. It was too loud to talk and the fights were gory, violent and distracting. I finally had enough and said an abrupt goodbye. His attempt to convince me to stay was a waste of time because I already made up my mind.

He insisted on walking me out to my car despite my objection. My keys were out and ready as I quickly hugged him out of obligation. What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion. As we pulled back from the hug, I heard a loud burp noise and I felt wet. I was incredulous as I looked down at the vomit on my new sweater and coat. I smelled like a combination of beer and chicken wings and it almost made me sick. He apologized profusely and I didn’t want to make him feel worse, I just wanted to get home and change. I drove away quickly and couldn’t believe how bad this date was.

There was no glass slipper, no pumpkin coach outside of Hooters. This certainly wasn’t my Prince Charming and a second date was out of the question. I didn’t think my expectations were unreasonable, Hooters, cage fighting and being thrown up on by a man in a mullet wasn’t my idea of a good date, especially a first date.


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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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