A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Wants to Change Me

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

We met online, had a few dates and she told me I was the most amazing man she had ever met. She adored the way I eat cookies (I swear I eat them the regular way—one bite at a time) and she would let me cook for her five nights a week if I wanted to. She said I was her dream come true. If that’s the case, why just a few weeks later is she trying to turn me into someone else?

There is nothing wrong with the way I dress. My clothes are always clean. Ish. They don’t have stains or spills and I know to make sure things match. Yeah, I have a thing for argyle, but so what? It’s not “Outdated” it’s “Classic.”

My jeans don’t have holes in them. OK. One pair has a small hole just above the knee, but it looks good. I’m casual, yet classy. I’m old school, while still being fresh and hip. In short, I’m fine the way I am.

With that knowledge firmly in hand, why the hell does she think I need a whole new wardrobe? And who is going to pay for it? Not me, that’s for sure! I seriously cannot figure out how I went from hero to zero in such a short time. I’ve been on my absolute best behavior and have made sure I always look sharp. This is weird.

I’m not saying that anything a woman suggests is meant to “change” a guy, but we need to be on the lookout. “Hey, this shirt would look great on you,” is awesome if it’s a style that I would normally wear. It shows that she pays attention and that she cares. “Hey, this shirt would look great on you,” is NOT awesome if it’s a shirt that is totally not your style and one that you would put in the closet as a re-gift to someone you don’t particularly care for.

When drastic changes are suggested, it throws up a huge red flag. Or at least it should. Lets be honest, sometimes the sex is so good that we’re willing to pussify ourselves in order to keep her around. That’s a huge mistake. Give her an inch and she will start preparing to take a mile. (Watch what she tries with the home décor.)

When she wants to change me it makes me feel like maybe I’m not as OK as I thought I was. It makes me question why she’s even with me in the first place. I’m not rich, so she’s not around for the fancy dinners and big trips. It’s not for the social status and it’s not for the cool car. There’s nothing wrong with my Dodge Journey, but lets be real, it’s not the kind of car that gets a chick wet, ya know?

That’s when the doubt starts to set in. “Is there something wrong with me?” I think to myself? I begin to spend a few extra minutes in front of the mirror, staring and trying to figure out what’s so bad about me. I can’t figure it out. I’m not Rico Suave, but I’m also not a toothless hillbilly. I played hockey for a lot of years, but my mouth is still mostly original material.

Suddenly it hits me. The reason she wants to change me has nothing to do with me. It’s that she’s not happy with herself and she wants to make sure that the person she’s with isn’t seen as “better” than her. This chick has self-esteem issues and the only word I can come up with is, “Next.”

* For the next few weeks we here at Badonlinedates.com will be talking, writing and posting about the ideas, motives, and thoughts that surround trying to “mold” aka change someone in a relationship. Is it possible, is it a good idea?

Join in and share your own “Moldable May” stories with us on Twitter with the hash tag #MoldableMay, and on the
Badonlinedates.com site where you may also to be featured in an original Sunday Bad Date Funnies cartoon by telling your own story, and by using the title Moldable May in your header.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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