Relationships are all about give and take, which means there are times when arguing will occur. There are some things that are definitely worth hashing out and others that aren’t. Pick your battles wisely, because for some reason it seems that fighting over the little, insignificant things are what will ultimately kill a relationship.
I know it sounds redundant to say it, but fighting over the stupid stuff is just plain stupid. Who really cares if the remote goes on a certain corner of the coffee table? Is it there? Can you use it? Does it have batteries in it? If so, then zip it and move on to the more important stuff in life.
Is someone’s life going to change one way or another based on which way the toilet paper gets put on a roll? Some of us may have our personal preferences, but as long as it comes off the roll when you pull, isn’t that really the most important thing? Hell, put the roll on the counter for all I care. As long as I can reach it and there’s some left to use, that’s all I need to get the job done.
I think we generally fight over stupid stuff as a way to try and assert our dominance in a relationship. One person generally feels inadequate to the other and they know the big things speak for themselves. If we can get the little things the way we want them, we ultimately feel like we have some control over what happens with the rest of the relationship. It may sound stupid and petty, but it’s a reality we all live with in some way or another.
Constantly fighting over stupid stuff can take what is potentially a great relationship and can turn it into a precursor to Armageddon. I asked a cop friend about all the domestic disturbances he’s gone on over the years and he told me the vast majority of them are over stuff so small and stupid it’s almost ignorant.
So what if someone forgot to bring home eggs. Is it really worth starting something over? If it is worth it, why does one person typically feel the need to bring up the other person’s family? I mean, what does my alcoholic Uncle Joe have to do with the fact that I forgot to stop at the grocery store and buy something? He doesn’t, but fighting over the little stuff will lead right into “The Big One.”
Instead of fighting about the stupid stuff, why can’t we discuss it and come up with a compromise of some sort? We need to prioritize what’s important and what’s not so we can pick and choose our battles.
We also need to remember that just because something isn’t done “our way” that it doesn’t mean it’s not the right way. There are more than 100 ways to cook a chicken and all of them are tasty to someone. Instead of complaining that she (or he) isn’t cooking it the way your mom did, how about shutting the fuck up and being happy someone is willing to cook for your cranky ass? I know it sounds harsh, but it needs to be said.
Fighting over stupid stuff can easily lead to a breakup and let’s be honest, who wants to be sitting around the bar with our friends and have to tell them the reason we broke up is because of the way they put dishes away or the way they wash their clothes. This may be a new concept to some people, but it’s called being an adult. We should all try it sometime.