By Shilo Urban
Music culture has been informing fashion and design ever since a Neanderthal wore sticks around his neck so that all the girls in the cave would know about his mad skills beating on the lion-skin drum kit.
However not everything in the music world translates well into the dating world; rock stars can get away with extreme fashion choices that mere mortals need never try pull off – much less on a first date – but of course, they do.
NO PANTS – It’s not even shocking anymore when Lady Gaga, Beyonce or Rihanna appear on yet another TV show wearing only underwear and pantyhose (yawn). But when the average citizen tries to pull off this look on a date, results are extremely varied and often depend on the gender and physical fitness of the pants-less renegade. Men without pants – and sometimes underwear – are known as “shirt cockers” at hippie music festivals on the West Coast, which are their natural habitats – you’ve been warned. Unsurprisingly,100% of male humans polled said that a female showing up on a date with no pants is a-ok with them.
FAKE WESTERN – As country music singers like Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood continue to grow in popularity, so does the influx of western-inspired fashion like fringe, pointy boots and cowboy hats. However nobody wants to date a “neon cowboy,” a brightly-attired boot-scooting wannabe whose idea of a rodeo is Rodeo. The trick to pulling off the Western look on a date is to wear it in moderation. Black fringe on a jacket: good. Pink fringe bodysuit: BAD. Cowboy boots will always be in style – just wear them in a natural color – but leave the cowboy hat at home unless you are going on a date with a bucking bronco.
THE MULLET – Blame the rise of hipster chic, blame the 80’s revival or just blame Michael Bolton – but believe it or not, mullets are once again popping up on kids at underground music shows. Often complemented with a rat tail or by designs of lightning or perhaps a bear claw on the shaved sides, the mullet CAN be pulled off in a dating situation but only if the person’s swagger is as fully developed as their hairstyle. With business up front and a party in the back, you know that your date is trying to achieve balance in life – or at least with their hair follicles.
HAMMER PANTS – Although MC Hammer has thankfully faded from the collective consciousness, his signature billowy pants are apparently indeed “2 Legit 2 Quit.” Also known as “harem pants,” these cropped, blousy pantaloons have a lowered crotch – so you can properly impress your date with all of your slick dance moves to “Can’t Touch This.” Like many trends, females can pull this look off on a date by pairing the parachute pants with sky-high heels, but men are best advised to leave the Hammer pants at home. In fact – just burn them.