Wait… What? Learning the Single Mom’s Sex Lingo…
A conservative and crowded office plus two silly best friends created the necessity to invent a new language to describe the night before’s sex.
Over cube walls, we’d brag that we got some Filet Mignon the night before or commiserate over getting served up Meatloaf (with a heavy sigh). Filet Mignon was the ultimate standard for the best sex until I dated someone with a little naughty streak who caused us to create a new superlative for great sex, Cajun Filet Mignon: a great steak, with a little bit of a spicy kick.
The Single Mom is all about only having Filet Mignon, I’d rather starve and hold out for it than to choke down a lesser piece of meat. I want the whole meal, the Filet Mignon, preferably Cajun, a robust red wine, a great salad, the perfect baked potato and finish with a yummy dessert.
On the other hand, sometimes you only have time for Pot Roast, and that’s ok. It’s Tuesday night and the kids are asleep in the next room, have your Pot Roast dinner. There’s nothing wrong with a decent pot roast meal in between Saturday Filet Mignons.
On the bad side are the crappier cuts of meat or course or meat substitutes, blech. Don’t even get me started on bad clams or smelly seafood, not on MY menu of course. I’m quite sure I don’t have to explain Vienna sausages either. No thank you!
So here is our rating system that we invented to disguise our dirty conversations in the office.
Cajun Filet Mignon – the best sex plus a little kick (or a pinch or a little slap, just sayin)!
Filet Mignon – the best sex
Pot Roast – decent sex, filling and good, nothing to write home about but still a good night
Meatloaf – everyday sex, humdrum but satisfying, nothing special, but filling
Ribs – good sex, kinda messy but really yummy and maybe a little sticky too
Sloppy Joes – bad sex, all over the place, random, forgettable
Bologna Sandwich – bad sex, cheap, quick and unfulfilling
Spam – crappy sex, cheap and regrettable
Tofu – NOT real sex ie things like phone sex, sexting, etc