Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: He’s Into Me – But I’m Not Into Him

  • Posted on: August 11th, 2011 by

By Jesse Finkelstein

As someone who has spent most of his dating life being attracted to men who have absolutely no interest in me, I feel as though I have a wonderful insight into this topic. In fact, I only started seeing the other side of the coin once I became a bartender, and got to experience the multitude of creepy men drooling at the sight of my ass, however small it might be.

If you have someone in your life that is clearly into you, and you aren’t into them, it’s important to make that crystal clear. Don’t beat around the bush, be honest and considerate, and most importantly, don’t being a fucking cocktease. Again, I’ve spent the majority of my adult life wanting men who don’t even know I exist, so I know what it’s like to be led around like a sad little puppy. It’s not fun. In fact, it’s quite dreadful. Especially when you start to get the point that they aren’t into you, that you might just be a *gasp* friend, and they go and do something that might be construed as flirtatious, and you’re back right where you were—stalking their Facebook page late at night.

And believe me, I understand the desire to have someone infatuated with you—it’s a confidence boost, it’s fun, and to you it’s harmless. I used to do it to a lot of the old homo’s that came into my bar. I thought it was all a big joke, because why in the world would they think I was interested in them, right? Well, turns out they actually thought I was interested, because I acted like I was. Weird, huh? Take responsibility for your actions. Unless they are totally insane, then go get a restraining order and/or pepper spray.

On the flip side, if you are into someone, and they aren’t interested in you, move the fuck along. I don’t mean to be so crass, but trust me, you’re wasting your time. Again, I’m speaking from LOTS of personal experience here. Think about how many people you have passed up while you pine after this one person who just doesn’t see you that way. I know, I know, you hope that eventually this “friendship” will turn into something magical—it won’t. If they were really interested in you, there would be no ambiguous confusion about it. Either someone is into you, or they aren’t.

If he’s into you, and you aren’t into him, don’t be a cocktease. If you want to be a friend to this person, the nicest thing you can do is make it clear that you aren’t interested. Yes, I know it’s hard to have those difficult conversations, but grow a pair, put your big boy pants on, and do it. I suggest bringing cotton candy, because I’ve never seen someone look upset while eating cotton candy.

If you’re into him, but he’s not into you, don’t be a little bitch. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Quit wasting your time on someone who just wants to use you for your undying attention and love, and find someone who wants to spend as much time obsessing about you, as you do about them.

Every human being deserves respect and honesty, and in the end, it’s what we’re all looking for. If you give people respect, you will get respect in return.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Facebook page to stalk.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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