By Kelly Seal
I have always been attracted to confident men. After all, they know what they’re doing when it comes to pursuing romance. I dated one in particular who wooed me with charm: he was smart, handsome, and fun to be around. He made me laugh, dressed well, opened doors, and he had no problem giving me compliments. What’s not to like?
The problem was, I didn’t really know him until after we’d been dating a while. He seemed amazing at first…so I drank in his company and ignored some of the signs starting to appear that showed maybe – maybe he wasn’t good for me. After a few months of dating, I could see that our relationship wasn’t exactly honest. He drank too much, and then turned needy or withdrawn. He refused to introduce me to his family, even though every Sunday night he’d go to his mother’s house for dinner. He let his smooth character slide, and I saw glimpses of someone who was insecure and a little angry. Of what, I was never certain. This I knew: he was hiding something, and that didn’t sit well with me.
While I’m a big proponent of giving men a chance on dates and holding out on judgments, there is something to be said for the ones who can teach us what we don’t want. I’ve put together a list of the biggest turn-offs we have after getting to know a man. The truth comes out eventually, no matter how much a date may try to suppress it. So please be aware of red flags along the way—they are pointing out a relationship that isn’t good for you, even if the package seems perfect.
He’s angry. Like me, maybe you were seduced by his charm and sense of humor, only to find that he had little ability to laugh at himself or control his temper. Anger towards you, friends, family, or life in general is not a sign of good things to come.
He’s lazy. I don’t mean that he should be a successful CEO of a Fortune 500. But if he prefers to sit on the couch rather than go out, or if he makes no effort in getting to know you or forming a real relationship, then rest assured—you can’t change him or force him to be interested. It’s best to just move on.
He’s cheap. Maybe he picked up the tab the first few dates, but now he’s itemizing everything or asking you to pay. He has no desire to do anything spontaneous, especially if it involves money. You feel more like an investment decision than a date. I don’t think men should be expected to pay for dates, but I do think a little generosity and spontaneity for an occasional nice dinner out or weekend getaway adds to the relationship.
He’s disrespectful. When you first started dating, maybe he was funny or cute while making fun of others, but now he seems more like a bully. Plus, he’s started to criticize you, even in front of your friends and family. If he is acting disrespectfully in any way, he’s not relationship material.
He’s evasive. Despite his charm, he is still a mystery to you. He disappears from time to time, only to resurface with promises of romance and excuses of being busy. He avoids conversations about you and where your relationship is headed. If you’re weary because you don’t know what to expect from him, there’s a reason.
Above all, it’s important to listen to your gut. Does he make you happy, and does he inspire you to become a better person? These things are important. If his behavior is a turn-off, ask yourself why. It might be a red flag, and you should pay attention.