By Simone Grant
I was recently reminded of a (wonderful) old post by my dear friend Singlegal that included a description of a date she had when she was newly single:
“About a year ago, I was sitting in my car and listening to a guy I was “dating” talk about how he’s never been to the dentist. This guy was overweight, self-centered, immature, shiftless and occasionally, a little smelly….On this occasion, I was taking him to meet up with a couple of friends of mine. He wore his finest T-shirt emblazoned with “You Suck” and ordered extra onions on his sub. Extra. Onions.”
Her description brought to mind a date I’d had a couple of years ago with a man I’d met online. We’d spoken briefly before meeting and I was quite looking forward to meeting him. We had a lot in common and our work worlds had an interesting way of overlapping.
The day of the date he showed up 15 minutes. Not a good start. But that was not the worst of it. It was a Sunday afternoon date and he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. His hair was uncombed and his clothes (sweats) were completely rumbled. And it was late Sunday afternoon.
Now, I’m no snob. I don’t need a guy to be all dressed up for a Sunday afternoon coffee date. Jeans and a t-shirt would have been fine. But rumbled, slept-in looking sweats were not OK.
It was a quick date. Very quick. I made polite chit chat for about 20 minute and left. Basically, I stayed long enough to give him a chance to say something to prove to me that he wasn’t a giant douchebag. You know, maybe he fell asleep on the sofa reading the Sunday Times or something. It happens. But no. No explanation of the fact that he was late and pathetic.
And so I left. Because I deserve better. And, um, so does everyone. Every woman. Every guy.
Of course, Singlegal deserved better than the smelly guy (reading that made me so mad!). Of course, I deserved better than Mr. I can’t be bothered to show up on time or comb my hair. WHO DOESN’T? Seriously? Is there anyone who doesn’t deserve their date to show up clean, on time and unsmelly? Those aren’t very high standards.
Yes, this might seem like a fairly obvious statement. So let me just add this. Unlike Singlegal’s date, mine was not shiftless. He was a successful guy with a graduate level education. Sure, that don’t mean shit. There are plenty of smart, successful douchebags around. I’m just pointing out that he wasn’t suffering from a general lack of motivation – in life.
Perhaps he didn’t realize he needed to make an effort for dates? Or maybe he didn’t give a shit about this specific date (in which case he should have just cancelled and saved my time)?
Anyway, my point is just that dating would be a lot more fun and fulfilling if all of the adults involved would treat each other better. With more dignity. Because everyone deserves it. Really, we do.
Note: I realize there are some people who never reach full maturity, regardless of age. Sucks.