The Male POV: Dating A Cougar

  • Posted on: December 20th, 2012 by

The definition for describing a ‘cougar’ is quite fluid. For example, a popular Urban Dictionary definition labels her as, “An ‘older,’ experienced woman who happens to find herself in a sexual relationship (committed or not) with a younger man. She is not necessarily a slut, nor is she desperate. She offers sexual expertise and is open to new experiences.She simply wants to have fun.” An ABC News story exploring the emerging phenomenon in the early 2000s is a bit more specific, “women usually in their 30s and 40s, who are financially stable and mentally independent and looking for a younger man to have fun with.” Last but not least,

Cougar [koo-ger] noun, Informal. An older woman who seeks sexual relationships with much younger men: He’s in his twenties, but he prefers cougars in their forties and fifties to young women his own age.

Combining these definitions for today’s purposes, I’ll liberally define a cougar as: an older woman, at least 30 years or older, who purposely dates younger men, at least 6 years or more her junior, who is usually more financially stable and mentally independent than the younger men she dates. I grappled in fierce hand-to-hand combat with a few wild cougars in my younger years. I’ve earned my scars. My oldest encounter involved a woman 15 years my senior – I’ll respectfully refuse to provide her age.

For many men, dating older women is a strange transition period. Honestly, for most men, it’s strange when women your own age hit on you. You see, women dominate decades of a man’s life by mostly informing him he’s not what they’re looking for. When you’re in High School, girls want college-men, when you’re in college, women want working-men. It isn’t until around the quarter-century mark before most women, older or younger, will pay the average man any significant amount of attention.

That is why I’d like to use my in-depth knowledge with cougar encounters of the close kind to share five tips on how to survive a cougar attack for the next generation of would be prey.

1. She’s older not handicap.
Young gents, just because she’s older doesn’t mean she has a disability. Pretending as if you’re doing her a favor by entertaining her company will do nothing more than lead to ignored text messages and phone calls. By the way, if she’s over 25, make sure she’s ok with text messages over phone calls and don’t assume. This woman might require a bit more effort than the dyed-blonde-haired-red-cup-holding women you’re typically used to engaging. In other words, you’re likely not going to text your way to the promise land with a cougar, bro.

2. Don’t worry about money. Most cougars recognize your status in life. You’re younger and you won’t be as financially established as her or men her age. She knows this; she probably doesn’t care. Don’t let what’s lacking in your wallet intimidate you from showing off what you are capable of providing, which, at minimum, should be showing her a very good time.

3. There’s a thin line between boring and maturity. Younger men try to overcompensate for being young by acting more mature than they are. This is a mistake. This isn’t an excuse to take your 30-year-old (or older) date to the next frat part, but it doesn’t mean you have to tour art museums every weekend either. A number of cougars are bored with men their age because they’ve lost the spontaneity of their youth. This is where you come in. Despite the age difference, be confident in yourself and you’ll go further than trying to be the man you think she wants you to be.

4. The best you ever had. I spent many years, accurately or inaccurately, thinking I was pretty good in bed. It was an older woman, 9 years to be exact, who taught me quality is better than quantity. It was through her that I learned the infinite wisdom of, “great sex for 30 minutes is better than ok sex for 60-minutes.” When you’re young, you spend a lot of effort trying to go as long as possible instead of ensuring both parties are having the best time, all of the time. In other words, young men tend to be selfish lovers. C’est la vie!

Use your cougar encounter as a learning opportunity. If you allow her, your cougar will teach you bedroom lessons that will pay dividends throughout the remainder of your love life. Trust me!

Warning: women 30 – 40 have the sex drive of boys 14 – 24. It seems that God in his infinite wisdom, and equally infinite sense of humor, made women’s sex drive inverse to men. Thirty to 40 year old women’s sex drive is impeccable. Where a helmet, a seat belt, and for safety purposes, secure all valuables as well as keeping your hands inside the ride at all times!

5. Enjoy yourself and pay it forward! Lastly, remember to enjoy the experience. Whether it’s one time or multiple times, dating a cougar has always proven a pleasurable undertaking. As I have done today, be sure to pay it forward be informing all of your single-similarly-aged friends about the experience. Team Cougars, for the win!

How do you personally define a cougar? Are you a cougar yourself – what other tips would you give the young interested suitors of the world? Have you grappled with a cougar before – what was your impression of the experience? Please share your cougar attack stories in the comment section!

WisdomIsMisery aka WIM provides objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM and on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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