The Male POV: I’m Dating an Over-Texter

  • Posted on: January 29th, 2013 by

Texting Woman

Many of you may be asking, “Wait…a man can dislike texting? But, don’t men hate talking on the phone?” Men hate talking on the phone too much, but that doesn’t mean the opposite is we prefer never being able to talk to you. Now you may be asking yourself, “what makes a woman an over-texter?” The answer is simple. If your partner thinks you text too much, then you text too much. This isn’t a debate! If you don’t think you text too much, but your partner disagrees, then you, my friend, are wrong. Deciding you’re an over-texter or not isn’t a democracy. The only question that matters is are you going to do anything about it?

I noticed that the older I got, the more I dated over-texters. Perhaps not coincidentally, these over-texters tended to come in the form of women younger than myself. How much younger is not important! It’s only important for you to know they were younger. Maybe this is nothing more than the hands of karma reaching out from my past to punish me through a text-ladden relationship with a cute, younger woman I likely had no business dating anyway. In my youth, I remember dating a woman a few years my senior – although not quite a cougar – who informed me that she didn’t have an “unlimited text plan and she preferred talking on the phone.” I responded as any reasonable 20-something-year-old male would. I immediately cut off all contact. “No unlimited text plan?! Talk…like…on the phone? WHAT IS THIS THE 90s?! TEXTING IS TALKING!!!” was all I could think to myself while deleting her phone number.

Here I am now, many years later albeit only moderately wiser, finally able to appreciate how annoying it is to date an over-texter. You know it’s bad when you call to talk and she responds with a text, “you called?” YES, I called! To a normal person this would indicate that I want to TALK not TEXT. However, the subtleties necessary to comprehend common decency and polite communication escapes the grasp of your average over-texter, because those are human qualities. Over-texters forfeited such qualities long ago when they figured out they wouldn’t need to develop the ability to socially interact with humans on any substantial level when they can just as easily hide behind the glowing screens of their smartphone. I’m not saying I hate over-texters, but I hate over-texters.

Here’s the thing about text messages. They were originally designed to allow for the brief sharing of thoughts and to improve communication among fully functional, consenting adults when the opposite, a phone conversation, was unavailable or unnecessary. Somehow, and I’m not sure who exactly to blame but it’s probably The Mayans fault, texting metamorphed into our primary means of communication. I can’t sit idly by while verbal communication is eliminated one ignored phone call and replaced thumb-stroke at a time. I can’t do it! I won’t!

You might find me a bit dramatic, but excuse me if I find myself slightly perturbed when the woman I’m dating prefers to draw out a conversation that could easily be summarized in 5-minitues of actual phone conversation through 5-hours of miscellaneous text messages. Text messages, mind you, that are riddled with misspellings, grammatical errors, ever changing slang acronyms that only God Himself could possibly hope to keep up with and my favorite of them all, misinterpreted tone. As if texting something I didn’t even want to text in the first place wasn’t bad enough, I have to spend half of my text messages assuring her that the last text I sent didn’t mean what she thought it meant because the way she read it is definitely not the way I typed it. How a woman can conclude “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it” from a text message she read in a voice in her own head I’ll never know, but I assure you it happens.

Everyone has a place in this world, I just don’t know what place over-texters are supposed to occupy. But, one place they will no longer be occupying is my dating life. Surely, the world would be a better place without their texts and emoticons floating invisibly through the air undoubtedly giving us all cancer. Of course, these complaints are the kind of things I’d love to tell to the over-texters of the world, but unfortunately I can never get them to answer my phone calls.

Have you dated or currently dating an over-texter? You poor, poor soul, how do you cope? Has a partner’s dependence on text messages lead to the untimely demise of an otherwise good relationship?

WisdomIsMisery aka WIM provides objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM and on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery.

  • My brother almost lost the love of his life because he didn’t text her back within a couple of hours or one of their first dates.  To her it was rude, to him (someone who barely ever texts) it was normal, no game playing, he was just busy doing other stuff.  Luckily for them they sorted it out and 5 happy years later they are now very glad her text trigger finger didn’t ruin something before it had a chance to begin!

    In short, be wary of rushing to text judgements people.

  • CV

    I am definitely not a texter. I tell a man when I first meet him that I’m giving him my # to call me with, NOT text. If I get a response from him via text like “It was nice meeting you tonight”, then it’s an automatic DELETE from me. Pick up the friggin phone guys!

  • Maya Pinyon

    Phone calls are no guarantee a guy is into you.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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