Dear Sasha: Answering Your Most Private Dating Questions –- Dating Rut?

  • Posted on: February 8th, 2013 by

dating rut

Dear Sasha,
I’m dating in a dating rut.
No matter how much I try to motivate, it’s just not happening.
What suggestions do you have for a fella that just can’t seem to get out of the new year dating door?

Dating dud.

Dear Dud-

I get it—a new year met with new resolutions to find love, lose ten pounds, write your memoirs and finish a 10K, am I right?

Come on, man! We all know resolutions are made to be forgotten. There’s nothing that stipulates a new year has to mean a new you.

I know it’s hard not having someone special to kiss, but don’t force yourself to do something you don’t feel up to just because there’s a new Word of the Day Calendar on your desk. If dating feels lame and stuck in a rut right now, maybe it means you need some Me Time to focus on yourself.

When you do feel motivated and enthused to get back out there—and, again, let me urge you not to do anything until you genuinely feel ready and excited to dive back in. If you’re just going through the motions, your date will sense the effort and feel self conscious or turned off—you need to make dating fun again.

There are very few things as sexy as passion, so lose the old routine of dinner and a movie and turn your dates into adventures. Try something you’ve always wanted to experience, get lost and see where the night takes you, sign up for a one-night class with your date and learn to cook or throw pots or spear fish; whatever gets your engine revving. Trust me, most people would way rather spin around on an ice rink, go to a whiskey tasting or visit a planetarium than sit at a coffee shop telling you about their siblings or where they went to high school.

Make each date an adventure and you might just find the spark to light your fire again.

Good luck!


  • Bingo – if you’re both trying something new for the first time its a great ice breaker and gives you a starting shared experience to talk about to take the pressure off the “I do this, my brother does that” chats.  Such talk can be more natural when not forced by sitting opposite each other in a coffee shop.  Why do you think all the best TV dating shows make couples go horse back riding and such like (OK it makes good TV but still it gives the couple something unique to experience together).

    Have a great weekend

  • Perfect advice and loaded with some great rut-breaking ideas! 

  • AS

    Rather than focus on dating, do things that make you feel happy, take up a new hobby and you never know who you may end up meeting along the way!

  • ElizabethCole

    Great date ideas! Often our external circumstance is usually a reflection of our own internal baggage. So if we become happy within ourselves, life will start to synchronize differently for us. That’s when the perfect guy or gal spontaneously comes along. 🙂 Thank you.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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