A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… My First Thanksgiving Dinner with Her Family and I Don’t Like Them

By WisdomIsMisery

Tis the season, that magical time of year when I am forced into confined spaces with family members I never communicate with and strategically avoided the last 364 days of the year. We put our differences aside and unite for the sole purpose of consuming unhealthy and equally irresponsible portions of food and alcohol in between watching football and avoiding eye contact. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… Dating After Divorce

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Divorce blows. Even people who have gone through the easiest of divorces can agree on that. The other person is a (insert your own colorful name here) and you can’t wait to begin your life without the ex dragging you down. The process of dating after divorce is different for everyone, but one thing is certain—it’s better to take things slow, rather than jumping in with both feet spread wide open. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… We Fight Over Stupid Stuff

Fighting Couple
By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Relationships are all about give and take, which means there are times when arguing will occur. There are some things that are definitely worth hashing out and others that aren’t. Pick your battles wisely, because for some reason it seems that fighting over the little, insignificant things are what will ultimately kill a relationship. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… Her Parents Don’t Like Me Because I’m Black

By WisdomIsMisery

Not everyone in “post racial” America is post racial. I guess not everyone received the officially unofficial memo notifying them they are no longer allowed to judge people based on anything other than the content of their character. Of course, for the most part it really doesn’t matter if some stranger doesn’t like me because of the color of my skin. It is what it is. That is, until those strangers happen to be my girlfriend’s parents. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Expects Me to Clean Up After Her

Man Cleaning Up

By WisdomIsMisery

I’ve lived with 1 ¾ women in my lifetime. Technically, I’ve only officially lived with one woman. Meaning we both had our name on the lease, each owned a key and we could come and go as we pleased. Well, she could come and go as she pleased. I could come and go with her permission. That is if I planned to sleep in the bed relative to the couch that evening. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Wants to Change Me

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

We met online, had a few dates and she told me I was the most amazing man she had ever met. She adored the way I eat cookies (I swear I eat them the regular way—one bite at a time) and she would let me cook for her five nights a week if I wanted to. She said I was her dream come true. If that’s the case, why just a few weeks later is she trying to turn me into someone else? Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Takes Too Long

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

It’s 5:35 P.M. Five minutes after we were supposed to leave and she’s barely stepping out of the shower? “I’m O.K.,” I think to myself. “Instead of being there 15 minutes early, we’ll be right on time. No big deal.”

It doesn’t matter what the event is, she’s going to be late. Of course, the bigger the function, the longer it takes to get ready. This can work to your favor, or it could backfire. You have to take into consideration the extenuating circumstances of the day. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Wants to Get Married and I Don’t

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Things are awesome. You’ve been dating for almost a year and you both are happy. You’ve progressed way past the Honeymoon Phase and you each have a pretty solid idea of what the other person is looking for in a mate. In short, life is good.

You’ve been thinking about how much you love her and you are considering asking her to move in with you. A decision like that is sure to make you nervous, but you’re absolutely confident she feels the same way about you, so you’re not too worried about what the answer will be. Click here to read more…

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… I’m Going Through a Divorce

By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Getting divorced sucks. Especially when you have kids. My parents were married 46 years when my dad died and being married and sticking it out is what I knew. I married someone who was eventually diagnosed as bi-polar. She stopped taking her medicine when our daughter was five and there was no way I could have her living with our daughter and myself.

There were issues on both sides. It’s never entirely one person’s fault, but the up and down mood swings was too much to handle. What made it really tough on me was that I still had feelings for her. It wasn’t like there were big issues we were fighting about. It was all about her illness and the inability to function properly when she wasn’t taking her medicine.

I loved her, but I couldn’t be with her and that made it hard. Divorce is tough when the two people have zero love for each other, but it may be tougher when one of the couple doesn’t really want it to be over. There was no doubt in my mind that it needed to be over, but I didn’t really want this to be how it ended.

I ended up with full custody of my daughter and did what any good dad would do. I put on a happy face and made the best of the situation publicly, but inside I was a mess. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, yet I constantly second-guessed myself. When my ex took her medicine, everything was great, but I couldn’t force her to take her pill everyday.

Everyone deals with things in a different way. My way was to pull away from my friends and my family. I needed to keep my mind off it, so I started working more hours. By “more hours” I mean “too many hours”. I poured myself into work and internalized everything. When you’re working 70 hours a week and don’t let anything out, you become a time bomb. I ended up in the ER one night with my BP 245/160.

I was alienating myself from the very people I should be turning to and spending more time with. My friends were calling and asking to do things, but I blew them off every time. I was feeling like my life was in complete chaos. There was not a doubt in my mind about doing the right thing for my daughter, but I felt as if I was losing control.

I avoided dealing with my problem by working too much, but the problem didn’t go away. It only grew. My stress and constantly being burned out was affecting my health and my attitude, plus my friends were starting to get irritated and on my case. This sucked.

I don’t care how much you want the divorce or if divorce is the last thing you ever thought about, it’s going to be rough on you. You have to find someone to talk to—a friend, a counselor, the homeless guy at the park. Anyone will do. If you internalize everything you’ll end up in a bed at the ER with a doctor pouring nitro glycerin down your throat as the nurse asks about your living will. That way isn’t pleasant. Take my word for it.

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… I’m Dating Interracially

By WisdomIsMisery

After I was presented with this topic I thought it would be a piece of cake to write. I’ve dated all kinds of multicultural and multiracial women; therefore, I have a life time of experiences to draw from, right? Wrong. It wasn’t until I really thought about it that I realized maybe I’m not as indifferent about interracial relationships as I assumed.

After all, I grew up in the suburbs so as far back as I can remember everyone was dating everyone irrespective of race. Then again by today’s standards my youth was filled with crazy occurrences; MC Hammer was rich, our president white and Whitney Houston could still sing just to name a few. I figured, apparently incorrectly, that eventually we would move beyond the need to even converse about interracial relationships.

Ironically, although interracial dating and as a byproduct, interracial marriages have increased over the years it still remains the exception to the rule, only accounting for less than 15% of new marriages. By and large everyone is still marrying everyone of the same race. Instead, the main transition, for some of us anyway, has been the change in our acceptance, attitudes towards and opinions of interracial couples.

I recognize that just because my vision transcends color lines does not mean others see beyond the monochromatic scale. As long as I am never caught in Arizona without my passport, the ramifications should be minimal. Besides, I can’t change the opinions of others but what about myself?

I date women I’m attracted to and whom I think I can be happy with. Based on my dating patterns, these decisions are not dictated by race. However, when I’m out on a date with a Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic or other woman, some times I feel like I receive a stink eye or wrinkled forehead or two more than I would if I was out with a woman of my race.

I wonder if what I think I saw was real or imagined. Does the fact that I’m even concerned prove that I’m not as progressive minded as I pretend? Is it possible that I am only noticing because I’m looking harder for such signs when I’m with these women? If true, does that say as much about me as the person who may or may not have been stink-eyeing me in the first place? These questions are as theoretical as they are rhetorical.

I believe you can be proud of your race or even choose to only date within your race, while being accepting of others decision not to abide by this same belief. One day, this may be the status quo. Some argue, although I disagree, that we’re already at this point. I don’t know if there will ever come a point where we will all become colorblind, hold hands and join in song like the Who’s of Whoville until the hearts of all the racist grinches of the world grow three sizes that day but I also don’t believe that is necessarily a “goal” we need to achieve.

If a silver lining is even needed here, it is the fact that if I am conscious of race, at least I am less concerned with it than my parents, and hopefully, my kids will be less worried than myself. Furthermore, maybe one day introspective blogs about the feelings invoked by interracial dating might be a thing of the past. One day, but not today.

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About Jennifer

Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer Kelton CEO / founder Badonlinedates.com LLC is a Los Angeles native and a pioneer in the worldwide dating industry, investigating the game of love while providing encouragement and support since 2007, starting with the acclaimed dating book Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel. An accomplished CEO, visionary and entrepreneur, Kelton’s work in the […]

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